Valentine's Day is fast approaching and you're running out of options. Marmite just shitted all over your hilarious idea to personalise a jar of the stuff for bae and you'd fear actual bodily harm for attempting to send your significant other a Sharpie-scrawled potato on the most romantic day of the year. The likelihood of finding a thoughtful yet Instagram brag-worthy enough gift before February 14 is looking low.
But before you fall victim to "Ideal for Her" Amazon deals, listen up. A British supermarket may have the solution to your present-buying woes—and you need look no further than the vegetable aisle.
The V Day gift to cement yourself as Best GF/BF of All Time and finally be truly forgiven for vomiting on their special John Lewis bed throw that time?
That's right, according to a branch of Tesco, the humble green usually found sliced in sandwiches or terrorising cats can make a great romantic gift.
The unusual recommendation came to light this week when Twitter user @katia75014 uploaded a photo of the supermarket's cucumber selection, accompanied by the helpful sign: "Ideal for Valentine's."
A simple labelling mix-up or perhaps the best tip in the history of shop floor advertising? Vegetable fetishes aside, the cucumber is actually a pretty great Valentine's Day token.
Think about it: that underwear set doesn't count as one of your five-a-day. You can't turn a dozen red roses into tasty, yogurt-based dip and good luck trying to make penis jokes with tickets to the Lion King musical.
Practical, delicious, and the vehicle for any number of phallic references (or hummus): cucumbers may just be the symbol of pure, everlasting love we've all been looking for.