Tech by VICE

Nintendo of Japan's YouTube Channel Is Doing Boob Stuff

Nintendo's horny now?

by Jess Joho
Apr 13 2017, 12:38am

Alright, at the risk of cultural tone-deafness, we're gonna come out and say it: Nintendo's official Japanese Youtube Channel has gone into titty-mongering territory.

In a video that titillates, perplexes, and elicits a cry out to God, the venerable gaming company best known for blushing toadstool creatures, announced another anime-babe filled Senran Kagura game. A bespeckled man with a Nintendo Switch Joy-Con controller gestures animatedly at a TV monitor depicting a sexy anime schoolgirl desperately smashing her breasts together like they're flotation devices keeping her alive in shark infested waters.

The video cuts to a latex-gloved scientist jiggling soggy jello onto a dish, then replays the ordeal in slow motion. Afterward, scientists in lab coats appear to be further testing Nintendo's groundbreaking boob technology, as they clinically squeeze breast-shaped balloons in one hand, and hold a Nintendo Switch Joy-Con controller in the other.

"With her right and left arms together, I want to feel the beating of her heart," the developer said, according to Wesley Bishop, a good samaritan on Twitter who translated the video for us. He also explained that the word used for 'heart' serves as a double entendre for chest. "When it comes to the Nintendo Switch, there's one feature that I'm more interested than anything else. And that is [vibration]." Once again, there's a play on words here in Japanese, where "HD rumble," one of the defining features of the Joy-Con, also means erotic or horny. I don't speak Japanese, but it's pretty clear to me that the video is very horny.

So there you have it, folks. Seemingly in response to the ever-engorging horniness of games Twitter, we've corrupted the last bastion of wholesomeness in the industry.