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Sports

Corporate Shill Breaks Story on Corporate Swill: Self-Serve Beer Stations Are Here

Minnesota is about to be the go-to place for baseball-loving alcoholics.

by Jake Steinberg
Jul 7 2014, 9:20pm

When there is an irrelevant and totally bizarre news story out there, you can bet Darren Rovell will be the first to swoop in and Tweet it out while deftly avoiding giving anyone any credit.

That's what he did this morning, posting a picture on Twitter of the "Pour Your Own Beer" station that is now set up at Minnesota's Target Field. (Note: The asshole appeared to take credit for the picture and didn't give any love to Delaware North in his tweet, its rightful owner, but that's neither here nor there).

The self-serve beer machines will be ready to go for the All-Star game next week. Taking a closer look at it, the concept doesn't make much sense at all:

"The machines are called DraftServ and fans can obtain a pre-loaded card with money for beer when showing their ID. Fans then can scan the card and choose between four beer options: Budweiser, Bud Light, Shock Top Lemon, and Goose Island, with the latter two options costing slightly more.

An employee will be at each station to check IDs and each card is limited to 48-ounces of beer every 15 minutes."

First off, Shock Top Lemon. Seriously? Are they expecting Peter King to be attending that many games? And 48 ounces of freedom every fifteen minutes? A person with a hollow leg is taking down 16 beers in an hour in that system.

This is destined to end incredibly well for the healthy chunk of people who will be driving home after the game, and all the people out wandering the streets either looking for the next bar, or their car.