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Blake Griffin Knows What He's Doing When He Gets Chicken Fingers

The until now untold story of the chicken fingers that maybe helped the Clippers re-sign DeAndre Jordan.

by Joseph Swide
Jul 21 2015, 7:02pm

Today, The Players' Tribune published two companion pieces by Senior Editor Blake Griffin and underappreciated freelance contributor DeAndre Jordan about Jordan's free agency decision-making process. At this point, there is very little space left for any further coverage of The Great DeAndre Jordan Showdown Of 2015, but kudos to Griffin for––befitting the journalistic merits of his Senior Editor title––finding a new angle on the story: the chicken tenders angle.

Everyone at Jordan's house was eating Raising Cane's, and Griffin describes how that came to be:

On the one hand, Steve Ballmer bought a basketball team for $2 billion. He is worth an estimated $22.7 billion.

On the other hand, Raising Cane's is delicious. Raising Cane's is possibly the premier chicken tenders fast food chain restaurant in the United States.

Griffin's attempts at comedy in Kia commercials and other media might lead some to speculate that the extent to which he praises Raising Cane's is an attempt at ironic humor––"we have billions of dollars at our disposal, we eat chicken tenders," that sort of thing. However, Griffin displays some real Raising Cane's chops in this piece.

There is only one rule when going to Raising Cane's. It is a rule that was first told to me buy some people I met at 3:00 AM in the parking lot of a Waffle House in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, just like how God gave the Ten Commandments to Moses. And that rule is: get "The Box," no coleslaw, extra toast.

One of the few options on the Raising Cane's menu is a box that includes chicken tenders, texas toast, crinkle cut french fries, and coleslaw. I'm sure the coleslaw is fine––well, I'm not sure, because I've never had it. There is no reason to keep the coleslaw in your box when you can replace it with even more texas toast. This is because there is no such thing as too much texas toast.

In Griffin's piece, he notes the chicken, the fries, and the toast, but makes no mention of the coleslaw because clearly, Blake Griffin is a true Raising Cane's head who knows how to handle himself. One day, he will learn to replace everything in the box, even the chicken, with more texas toast. This is true Raising Cane's boss level.

Mark Cuban, by the way, probably replaces everything with coleslaw.

[Players' Tribune]