Charles Oakley Arrested after Bizarre Fight with MSG Security During Knicks Game [UPDATE]

Where does one even begin telling the tale of this, possibly the most New York Knicks story of all time, details of which dribbled out to a hazy midseason audience, shattered into obscure piece, only readable in a form out of time?

The beginning, I suppose.

Charles Oakley, the 1980s-90s defensively minded forward and terrifying human who slapped the shit out Charles Barkley on and off the court, broke Paul Moekeski's nose, and is Michael Jordan's only friend, was sitting three rows back in Madison Square Garden, kitty corner to widely disliked Knicks owner and blues musician James Dolan. He was, according to the New York Daily News' Frank Isola and several people on Twitter, yelling at Dolan, who was wearing a giant, stupid-looking maroon scarf to accent his everyday uniform of all black clothes.

Oakley, who was wearing a black suit and a white shirt, like a guy who wandered in from a Eugene O'Neill play, was apparently asked to stop. But Oakley hates Dolan, like everyone does, and also he is Charles Oakley and he has very little reason to heed the warnings of a random security guard, or anyone for that matter.

And so, he became a man surrounded. In response to this, he proceeded to shove a dude in the head with his extended pointer finger, an indignity that will haunt this poor orange-tied man for the rest of his life and into the next.

This finger shove does not promote a more constructive dialogue, apparently, and after some continued argument, Oak proceeded to shove several security dudes, including one who looks eerily like Timberwolves coach Tom Thibodeau, until he was restrained by, like, six security guards—every one of them individually fearing for their lives—cuffed, and taken out through the tunnel.

SBNY Exclusive Part II: Charles Oakley getting pulled out of the Garden pic.twitter.com/WtsVVVitH3
— SportsBlogNewYork (@SportBlogNYC) February 9, 2017

All the while, James Dolan was watching from a distance, as tennis bad boy John McEnroe tried to play peacemaker, or provide moral support, or something. Look, the important thing is that John McEnroe was there and while the shit was going down he turned to look at the Jumbotron to see if the whole arena was watching this insane shit, not just the people in their section who were yelling "OOH!" and egging things on.

Oakley was eventually cuffed by arena NYPD officers. He proceeded to curse Dolan's rotten name once more, while Phil Jackson, who should be watching his team lose, tried to get everyone to just chill, man.

Knicks PR, the classiest organization in sports, then decided to shoot off this fucking tweet, because in these modern times every news story that caresses the contours of our eyes just feels totally ignorable if it isn't served up with out-of-control organizational and personal maleficence:

pic.twitter.com/EebgCEqQxC
— NY_KnicksPR (@NY_KnicksPR) February 9, 2017

That's right, sports fans: the Knicks passive-aggressively accused Oakley of being an alcoholic. Really tasteless to the point of being impressive.

Isola, who has had his own issues with the organization, spoke to Oakley afterward and got his account:

Oakley has a different version of events than the story the Knicks were putting together. Oakley told me that he purchased his own tickets and was seated two rows behind Garden Chairman James Dolan. When several Knicks officials became aware of where Oakley was seated, security guards approached Oakley and asked him why he was here.

"They were staring at me," he told me. "They asked me to leave and I said I'm not leaving."

And so, Oakley was arrested, taken out of the arena, and, that's right, charged, because it's Trump's America now and anyone with the BRASS BALLS to berate a corny, widely loathed billionaire in public will be MADE AN EXAMPLE OF.

Charles Oakley has been charged with 3 counts of assault for hitting security guards (misdemeanor) and criminal trespassing, the NYPD says.
— Ian Begley (@IanBegley) February 9, 2017

Shoving is ASSAULT, I guess, and criminal trespassing apparently kicks in, like, ten seconds after someone asks you to leave. Anyway, this is the NBA story of the year, and the kind of shit that can only happen on a lazy Wednesday night in the association. When was the last time, like, Sid Fernandez or some dude got arrested at an MLB game? Fucking never, that's when. And nothing interesting has EVER happened at a football game, much less IN THE STANDS. And if something DID happen, I'll tell you this for free: a former Wimbledon champion wouldn't be standing around trying to mitigate the damage.

But this is the beauty of the NBA. It is an event where all kinds of people are all sitting in the same bowl screaming together or at one another, a mass of life in collision with itself and, like, any fucking stupid thing can happen if everyone gets tired and bored enough.

Anyway. Dolan sucks. Free Oakley, he was only doing his duty as a REAL New York Knick. And someone, please check on the guy who got shoved by Oak's finger. I'm worried about his psyche.

Update: The Knicks, for some reason, won't let this one go and have released another statement, doubling down on their anti-Oakley sentiment. Meanwhile current players including LeBron James, Chris Paul, and Dwyane Wade are coming out in support of Oakley and hammering the Knicks for acting as petty as they are acting.

pic.twitter.com/H3zOdegHRq
— NY_KnicksPR (@NY_KnicksPR) February 9, 2017