When Stoya told me Janice Dickinson writes an advice column for Michael Turnbull's glossy independent gay magazine, Loverboy, I died and went to heaven. The funniest advice columns always come from people I would never take advice from. That said, I have considered Dickinson one of my gay icons since my middle school years, when she appeared on the best season of The Surreal Life. She is beautiful and grew up in my hometown—Hollywood, Florida, where Anna Nicole Smith died. Unlike many reality star heroines, she also always remains blunt and honest. Who can forget when she ripped apart wannabe models on Finland's Next Model? Iconic!
The column symbolizes all the values of Turnbull's magazine, which has had two issues so far. "Loverboy was born out of the need for a high fashion gay magazine," he told me. "We have artsy indie queer zines and mainstream magazines that appeal to the masses, but nothing in between. Loverboy mixes high campery with fashion, sex, and a little gay history along the way."
After reading Dickinson's column in Loverboy, I asked Turnbull if we could excerpt the self-proclaimed first supermodel's column. Turnbull was happy to oblige.
As a famous model do you have any tips for taking the perfect selfie? I am trying to get some action on Grindr and my current selection doesn't seem to cut it with the boys.
As the world's first supermodel, my advice to you dear friend, is to take some powder and make sure you take it early morning so you are fresh—never mid-day! Remember to pucker up and purse those lips of yours!
I recently picked up gonorrhea from a one-night-stand, but I've also just started dating this guy and we're ready to sleep together for the first time. I have to put him off till I've got the all clear but I don't want him to lose interest. What do I do?
Confused with the Clap, Cheltenham
For God's sake, keep your trap shut! Why were you having unprotected sex in the first place? Have you lost your brain cells somewhere? Always protect yourself. It's a big bad world out there!
When we first started dating, my boyfriend really enjoyed me fingering him. As our relationship progressed, he asked me to use a couple more fingers before using my whole hand. Now he loves me fisting him up to my elbow which kind of grosses me out. How do I tell him that shoving my arm up him does nothing for me?
Small Hands, Stockholm
Go buy the Robert Mapplethorpe book. Look into it further—you might change your mind—but if I were you, I would just sit him down and talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Use your mouth not your fist.
When I meet with a guy and flirt with him, I instinctively play the submissive role. However, when it comes to sex, I like to be active not passive. I just worry that when it's in the flirtation stages I'm giving off the wrong signs and we'll be wasting each other's time if we both find out we're tops. But I don't want to say, "Oh hi nice to meet you, by the way, I'm a top." What do you suggest?
Power Top, Toronto
Well, this one is real easy. You just have to be direct. If you meet a guy you like, just be direct—there's no shame in that. Say, "Hey Mister are you a hungry bottom?" If he says, "Yes," then you're mismatched. End of question.
I've recently become addicted to taking photos of strangers in public places. Whether it be sneaking a shot on the tube, slyly videoing someone on the treadmill at the gym, whatever. It's hot taking the shot, and it's hot watching it later. I'm not sure if this is healthy behavior though. What do you think?
Secret Snapper, Shanghai
You're breaking the law, asshole. If you are really into your voyeurism, go into your local bookshop and pick up the nearest Helmut Newton book. He'll be able to get you off all within the safety of your own home.