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I Found Inner Peace with a Healing Crystal Dildo

Chakrubs are a line of sex toys made of crystals, which are said to contain metaphysical properties to help the user overcome past relationships, create emotional stability, and guard against negativity—all while masturbating.

by Alison Stevenson
Jul 30 2015, 4:30pm

The black onyx Chakrub, on the author's bed

Here I am, lying on my bed, unenthusiastically swiping left and right on a few dozen dudes on Tinder, many of whom look like they own mustache wax and/or one too many wide-brimmed hats. I don't want to fuck any of them. Dejected, I throw my phone away, letting it land wherever the hell it wants. I'm officially in another one of my funks because yet another courtship recently ended with yet another man who decided a few months in that he can't be with me because "life is so crazy right now" and "the timing is just not right." Back to the goddamn drawing board. Who will be the next emotionally stunted man-child to use his eternal quarter-life crisis as an excuse to not want to commit to me?

Before resolving to get up and find my phone (which, hopefully, I didn't break) I decide to partake in one of my favorite mood-boosting activities: masturbation. This time, with a dildo made of 100 percent black onyx crystal. I stare at it, sigh, pull my underwear down and begin rubbing.

Since I got the Chakrub over a week ago, I've masturbated with it every day. Chakrubs belong to an emerging market of crystal sex toys (you can find them all over Etsy), which are made of expensive rocks instead of your standard silicone or plastic. Crystals are theorized to contain metaphysical properties that can be used for things such as healing, enlightenment, positivity, and other crap like that.

I have spent much of my hard-earned money on crystals. My apartment is decorated with various citrines and quartzes; taped to the wall by my desk are two small creativity crystals under a framed photo of Divine. On the nightstand by my bed is another crystal which claims to hold the ability to rid me of stress. While crystals have been around for ages, their healing properties seem uniquely marketable right now—there have been all kinds of objects made or remade with stone crystals, like jewelry, candle holders, lamps, smoking pipes, and now, taking this trend to its logical conclusion, dildos.

Despite the proliferation and promotion of crystals, science scoffs at the idea that these rocks hold magical powers. In 2001, Dr. Christopher French, a professor at Godlsmith's College in London, conducted a study to test the supposed healing effects of crystals. He gave half of his participants real crystals and the other half fake crystals, and then gave them booklets explaining the sensations they might experience from the crystals. Of the 80 participants in the study, only six claimed to not experience a sensation. The rest, whether they held a real or a fake crystal, reported things like feeling warmer in certain areas or having increased concentration. French told the Telegraph, "The fact that the same effects were found with both genuine and fake crystals undermines any claims that crystals have the mysterious powers which they are claimed to have."

To skeptics, the only real power these things are proven to have is the power of suggestion. But then again, I pride myself on being the most hopeful of cynics, and I willingly choose to take part in all kinds of bullshit, just in case some of it ends up being right.

Screenshot from the Chakrubs website

That's why I went through with obtaining the black onyx Chakrub. It claims to heal via self-pleasure, so I was down to give it the old college try. The description of the onyx promises to help in "overcoming past relationships." It also "guards against negativity and helps create emotional stability." These are three pretty important things I've been needing help in overcoming. It's no surprise to anyone who reads my column that my romantic life is a mess. On top of that, the majority of my anxiety is centered around sex. I figured maybe if I got this Chakrub and actually took it seriously, I could accomplish some much needed healing, which would in turn help rid me of my anxiety and make my love life less disappointing.

In an effort to take my dildo-rock more seriously, I reached out to the creator of the Chakrub, Vanessa Cuccia, to get some clarification as to how exactly I should masturbate in order to get the most of its magical powers. First, Cuccia clarified that my Chakrub did not have magical powers. "The molecular structures of crystals are so perfect that they vibrate at, and emit, very strong, very harmonious, very healthy frequencies. When you share a space with a crystal, your own energy adapts and adjusts to that of the crystal, thus making you healthier."

Makes sense to me.

As for how to go about self-pleasure with this thing, I wasn't sure I could do my normal routine. Do I have to be repeating a mantra? Am I allowed to watch porn in its presence? Should I be sitting in some sort of yoga position? According to Cuccia, there is no right or wrong way to jerk off with your crystal dildo. They key is to make sure you stay aware while using it, and dedicate yourself to clearing any physical and emotional blockages that prevent you from feeling true pleasure.

With all that in mind, I got to rubbing. The Chakrub is pretty heavy, and has no vibrating functions—at least not the kind of vibrations I'm used to experiencing from a dildo. However, it's incredibly smooth and feels cold against my clitoris and surrounding parts which is, as pop-culture icon Borat would say, "very nice." Due to its lack of physically noticeable vibrations, my masturbation sessions now doubled in length. My trusty vibrator before this made masturbation an incredibly swift ordeal. In fact, now that I think about it, things were like clockwork. The job was succinct, with a guaranteed orgasm in five minutes or less.

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My black onyx Chakrub, on the other hand, was making me work harder for my orgasm, but it doesn't feel like hard work necessarily. Spending so much more time with my clit is making my masturbation sessions feel much more intimate and special. I'm reminded of the first year I started masturbating, when orgasms were a brand new discovery. I was around 12, and the only phallic thing I could legally buy was a toothbrush. I got the kind that had a tongue cleaner in the back, which I remember being very effective. I kept it under my bed, and waited until I was absolutely sure my parents were asleep before I pulled it out from under me. To this day, my vagina has never had a cavity.

After a week with my Chakrub, I am definitely feeling things I never before felt with other sex toys. It even feels wrong to call it a "toy." Knowing the spiritual weight so many people put on crystals forces me to give it a respect I don't give to even my most efficient vibrators.

While my masturbatory sessions have improved, I don't quite feel like my anxiety around sex and dating has lifted. I am still feeling the weight of past relationships, still feeling guarded, and still yearning for emotional stability. Perhaps I just need more time with the rock cock? Perhaps I'm not being fully aware enough? Or, perhaps the Chakrub is a load of bullshit?

Regardless, I don't regret using it, and will continue to. If nothing else, masturbation has taken on a new meaning. It's an ordeal again—something to look forward to at the end of the day as opposed to something to get over with. The Chakrub has given me the ability to love myself better, and now that I think of it, that's really what I should be focused on more than my relationships with men.

Thumbnail photo via Take Back Your Health Conference Flickr.

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