It’s that time of the year again, where I sit down in my cozy Christmas sweater and make my very own naughty list. There’s a lot to reminisce about this year. I finally got over past relationships, ho-ed around for some time in the middle, and got into a new one in the second half. All this while Section 377 was being hotly debated in the background. And as we all know by now, we gays can happily coexist and copulate. So here’s an ode to this joyful season where I recount the 12 types of dudes I met through the course of this year.
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(Sing along if you must)[Verse 1]On the first day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
A crippling insecurity.[Verse 2]On the second day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity[Verse 3]On the third day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Three crazy blowjobs,
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity.[Verse 4]On the fourth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Four crazy stalkers,
Three awesome blowjobs,
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity.[Verse 5]On the fifth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Five one night flings!
Four crazy stalkers,
Three awesome blowjobs,
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity.[Verse 6]On the sixth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Six inches slaying,
Five one night flings!
Four crazy stalkers,
Three awesome blowjobs,
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity.[Verse 7]On the seventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Seven hours of scheming,
Six inches slaying,
Five one night flings!
Four crazy stalkers,
Three awesome blowjobs,
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity.[Verse 8]On the eighth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Eight pegs of Whiskey,
Seven hours of scheming,
Six inches slaying,
Five one night flings!
Four crazy stalkers,
Three awesome blowjobs,
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity.[Verse 9]On the ninth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Nine wholesale outfits,
Eight pegs of Whiskey,
Seven hours of scheming,
Six inches slaying,
Five one night flings!
Four crazy stalkers,
Three awesome blowjobs,
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity.
My true love gave to me:
A crippling insecurity.[Verse 2]On the second day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity[Verse 3]On the third day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Three crazy blowjobs,
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity.[Verse 4]On the fourth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Four crazy stalkers,
Three awesome blowjobs,
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity.[Verse 5]On the fifth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Five one night flings!
Four crazy stalkers,
Three awesome blowjobs,
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity.[Verse 6]On the sixth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Six inches slaying,
Five one night flings!
Four crazy stalkers,
Three awesome blowjobs,
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity.[Verse 7]On the seventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Seven hours of scheming,
Six inches slaying,
Five one night flings!
Four crazy stalkers,
Three awesome blowjobs,
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity.[Verse 8]On the eighth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Eight pegs of Whiskey,
Seven hours of scheming,
Six inches slaying,
Five one night flings!
Four crazy stalkers,
Three awesome blowjobs,
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity.[Verse 9]On the ninth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Nine wholesale outfits,
Eight pegs of Whiskey,
Seven hours of scheming,
Six inches slaying,
Five one night flings!
Four crazy stalkers,
Three awesome blowjobs,
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity.
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[Verse 10]On the tenth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Ten days of weeping,
Nine wholesale outfits,
Eight pegs of Whiskey
Seven hours of scheming,
Six inches slaying,
Five one night flings!
Four crazy stalkers,
Three awesome blowjobs,
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity.[Verse 11]On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
'Leven reasons for Snapping,
Ten days of weeping,
Nine wholesale outfits,
Eight pegs of Whiskey
Seven hours of scheming,
Six inches slaying,
Five one night flings!
Four crazy stalkers,
Three awesome blowjobs,
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity.[Verse 12]On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Twelve Bongs a’blazing,
'Leven reasons for Snapping,
Ten days of weeping,
Nine wholesale outfits,
Eight pegs of Whiskey
Seven hours of scheming,
Six inches slaying,
Five one night flings!
Four crazy stalkers,
Three awesome blowjobs,
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity.Follow Navin Noronha on Twitter.
My true love gave to me:
Ten days of weeping,
Nine wholesale outfits,
Eight pegs of Whiskey
Seven hours of scheming,
Six inches slaying,
Five one night flings!
Four crazy stalkers,
Three awesome blowjobs,
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity.[Verse 11]On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
'Leven reasons for Snapping,
Ten days of weeping,
Nine wholesale outfits,
Eight pegs of Whiskey
Seven hours of scheming,
Six inches slaying,
Five one night flings!
Four crazy stalkers,
Three awesome blowjobs,
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity.[Verse 12]On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Twelve Bongs a’blazing,
'Leven reasons for Snapping,
Ten days of weeping,
Nine wholesale outfits,
Eight pegs of Whiskey
Seven hours of scheming,
Six inches slaying,
Five one night flings!
Four crazy stalkers,
Three awesome blowjobs,
Two dozen letters,
And a crippling insecurity.Follow Navin Noronha on Twitter.