We Asked People to Share the Craziest Things They've Done on Ambien

After a string of unhinged tweets on Tuesday morning—the most damning of which compared a half-black former Obama advisor to one of the ape people from Planet of the Apes—Roseanne Barr found both her network sitcom and celebrity status canceled. ABC Entertainment President Channing Dungey announced the surprise hit reboot’s cancellation within an hour of the offending tweet with a succinct memo that called Barr’s words, “abhorrent, repugnant, and inconsistent with [ABC’s] values."

This morning, clearly still reeling from the fallout of her self-immolation, Barr attempted to save face by posting a since-deleted tweet blaming pharmaceuticals for her bigotry.

“guys I did something unforgiveable so do not defend me. It was 2 in the morning and I was ambien tweeting," she wrote [all sic].

French pharma giant, Sanofi, who makes the sleep aid notorious for causing its users to do strange things while in a sleepwalking state, quickly retorted with a tweet defending their blameless product against such libel.

Since then, many have taken to social media to share their own hilarious, wholesome, and extremely made up yet-somehow-still-not-racist stories of the drug’s unpredictable powers. We asked people to tell us their own wildest anecdotes of being under the drug’s influence. What we got was indeed zany, but nobody even came close to torpedoing their own career and dragging down hundreds of their coworkers with them.

I’ve had more than a few Ambien adventures but, in 2016, a trend started to emerge. First, I apparently switched all my phone’s notification alerts to Chewbacca sound effects during the night and scared the crap out of myself when the Wookie cries came screaming out of my phone the next day. Soon after that, I called my friend at 2:17 AM one morning to tell her I needed my Chewbacca veins treated on my legs and for her to book me an appointment immediately. Finally, though I have no recollection of it, I must’ve done some Ambien’d online shopping because I was surprised one day with a package containing this Chewbacca tutu.
- Jennifer, Jupiter, Florida

I took an Ambien, went to sleep, woke up, forgot I’d taken Ambien, took another Ambien, went to sleep, woke up, forgot I’d taken Ambien again, and took another Ambien. I slept for 48 hours and probably could have seriously harmed myself. My boyfriend and work thought I’d died. I stopped taking Ambien after that.
- Rachel, San Diego

I haven't done anything per se, but I thought my bed was eating me once so I slept in the closet instead.
- Robert, Los Angeles

After I got injured by an IED, I did Walter Reed [General Hospital] and then a hospital barracks called Ft. Belvoir. I was in a wheelchair at the time, but I got a suite with a friend of mine who was also injured. I started taking 10mg Ambien, the highest available dose. While on it, I used to roam around the barracks in my underwear and in my wheelchair, and I would harass my roommate and try to jump on him and stuff. One night, while in one of these hazes, I locked myself out of my room, so I used a steak knife to cut a 6-inch hole through the drywall to try and reach the doorknob on the inside.
- Park, Hershey, Pennsylvania I’d apparently hide in the shower watching Star Trek and scream about melting walls. I guess Ambien me was super into the show because I made it through every episode of TNG.
- PJ, Toledo, Ohio

I tend to carry my cat to the kitchen pantry and put him in there before going back to bed, only to be woken up soon after when he cries to be let out. Ambien me is a monster.
- Maria, Houston

I’m quite the chef on Ambien. My best/worst creation that I found half-eaten the next morning was a hard taco shell filled with Gerber banana puree and wasabi peas.
- Angela, Detroit I won over $6,000 playing online poker while on it.
- Jamie, New York City

Found a lime. Stapled that lime.
- Samira, Tallahassee

I had taken my normal dose and went to lay down. I woke up like normal and my husband was missing his pubic hair. He told me the night before I wanted to shave all of it off and I did so using massage cream. I don’t even like shaved pubes. He also told me that I tossed his salad which I never do. I also stared at the wall for two hours standing up.
- Josh, Portland

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