© Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports
Jaromir Jagr played his first NHL game when I was 10 months old. I am now a 27-year-old professional writer and Jaromir Jagr is still going strong in the NHL. Last year, he played a full 82 games for a crappy Florida Panthers team, averaged 17 minutes of ice time, and logged 46 points, which is only two more points than his age. He's still got it, because he's fucking Jaromir Jagr.
This is why I cannot for the life of me understand what has gotten into NHL GMs that they don't want Jaromir freakin' Jagr on their team. You've got problems if you want any of these scrubs over Jagr. Not only are no NHL GMs calling Jagr this offseason, they're not even calling him back!
This is unfathomable. Who doesn't call Jagr back?! Who doesn't RUN to their phone when they find out Jaromir is even calling? Why does the NHL consistently eliminate anyone fun from its league? Someone fucking call Jaromir.