The Dumbest Stuff People Have Bought While Drunk

Sometimes a hangover also comes with a Jeff Goldblum shower curtain, random pets, or a used golf cart.
March 23, 2018, 8:30pm
Image via Getty.

This article originally appeared on VICE Québec.

A survey from the website, which aims to help people make thoughtful purchases, reveals that nearly $30.4 billion USD was spent by drunk people last year. According to the site, the most common expenditures by drunk people are: food (60.83 percent), clothing and accessories (25.09 percent), and gambling (24.91 percent).

Men are more likely to shop drunk, with 48 percent of respondents admitting to having spent this type of expense. And nearly 41 percent of the women surveyed would have spent money on a drunken evening. In addition, the marital status of a person could influence his decisions: about 55 percent of singles have made spurious expenses.

Being accustomed to putting things on my desk that I ordered at 4 AM the week before, I asked around to find the craziest purchase people have made while drunk, and I'm happy to say that my entourage did not disappoint me.

I bought a bottle opener with the image of Luis Suarez, a nod to the time he bit Giorgio Chiellini during the World Cup match. Yes, it opens bottles with his mouth.

I bought smart glasses on Kickstarter. I've been waiting for them for two years.

A shower curtain with a picture of Jeff Goldblum holding a monkey.

Once I bought a foot bath the night before my birthday.

I bought Kanye, my dog, online, from a store in Los Angeles, while I was blackout drunk. I was woken up by calls from the pet shop that told me that his documents were ready and that they were planning his flight to Montreal.


I bought a mini-amusement park and a bed, as accessories for Fingerlings [children's characters that are worn around the finger]. I still have not bought the Fingerlings. I also had a collection of 20 healing crystals, and I just bought another 30 two days ago. I still have not followed the three-month course on how to use them.

I was completely drunk at four in the morning about three years ago and bought a dove off Kijiji, the site where you can buy and sell anything. I did not really remember it the next day, but then I received an email to announce that I was the owner of a dove. I found the situation too hilarious, so I sucked it up and went to get it. I have had it for three years, and it continues to become an inexhaustible source of absurd situations. She was featured in videos by Alex Nevski and Coeur de Pirate. She even has an Instagram account.

While in London, I bought a plane ticket to the Panorama Bar in Berlin's Berghain to meet my friend. Once at the bar, they did not let me in.

A tooth-shaped lamp, a Rob Zombie t-shirt, and an industrial amount of wool yarn.

I tried to buy a rifle once, but it did not work.

A hat knitted by the grandmother of the singer of a band I love.

I had a personal golf cart at Osheaga, which was really cool. The following week, I was invited to the Rogers Cup final and drank a ton at the closing dinner. I was home by 11 PM and then blacked out. The next day at lunch I had a flash: Oh shit, I think I bought myself a golf cart. I checked my internet history and it seems I had watched a video of two golf cart guys running into stuff, and then I went on Kijiji shopping for one. In exchange for $100 [$77 USD], the gentleman finally agreed to cancel the sale.

In 2011, I bought bitcoins while I was high. I bought them for $72 [$55 USD] and sold them for almost $35,000 [$27,127 USD]. I've made other impulse purchases, like Elon Musk's flamethrower, but not while drunk.

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