The Best Couples' Sex Toys (for Every Kind of Horny Person)

Sex toys have changed a lot since the Stone Age, and while the idea of a Mesolithic orgy melts our brains (was there lube??), it's even wilder to think about how much sex toys have evolved in the past few decades alone. As VICE’s new series Sex Before the Internet predicates, the history of horny toys, content curation, and sexual services involved a different set of hoops to jump through, from navigating pre-internet porn distribution to dialing 1-900 numbers, in order to get hot and heavy with yourself or a rando. 

These days, we’re a little more spoiled. We can add clitoral suction vibrators to our Amazon cart, or use app-controlled toys to get off with long-distance partners; we have guides to every kind of sex toy, ever, at the tip of our fingers, and the daily possibility of getting sucked-off by a see-through cylinder (RIP Foucault, you would have loved this panopticon penis sleeve). 

We’re grateful, horny, and—most of all—curious about this growing smorgasbord of adult accessories, so we’ve decided to get elbow-deep in the best contemporary couples’ sex toys, from the humble and mighty cock ring to the world of remote-controlled prostate plugs. There’s a partner play toy out there for everyone, whether you’re a seasoned kinkster or fresh Brigham Young University grad. 

Slip into something more comfortable, and let’s ride.  

Simple in design, yet powerful in its ability to help penis-owners stay harder than Bruce Willis, the cock ring can be 1) practical and 2) kinky. At its most basic of functions, a penis ring is designed to slow blood flow from the erect penis to keep it harder, longer, but it can also just feel fun to (safely) choke-out your partner’s schlong with a C-ring, or invest in a vibrating cock ring that also comes with a nub for clitoral stimulation. Amazon has an entire page dedicated to cock rings (Bezos, you dirty dog), but we’d also recommend Lovehoney’s adjustable, vibrating ring for first-timers and anyone who wants to level-up from a standard silicone ring.    

Never cracked a two-headed schlong in front of your lover like Indiana Jones’ whip? (Booo.) Double-ended dildos are a true multi-tasker toy, and while famously they’re beloved by vagina-owners for simultaneous vaginal partner penetration, they can also be used anally or during a solo penetrative spank sesh. This translucent 15-incher is 50% off at Lovehoney and is a pro tool for scissoring, per reviewers, while the Nexus double-ended dildo is designed to function as more of strap-on-free dildo, and has received high ratings for pleasing both the wearer and the receiver. As one reviewer writes, “The silicone is nice and flexible and allows for use in varying positions.”

We’ve covered all the well-lubed ins-and-outs of strap-ons in the VICE guide to pegging, but suffice to say, pegging rocks, whether you’re in search of vaginal penetration or buttgasms. Again, you can find harness-free pegging toys such as the Nexus if that’s your jam, but it’s fun to mix-and-match dildos and harnesses to your partner’s and your tastes. Consider Lovehoney’s beginner’s strap-on kit your one stop shop, because it comes with a slightly curved (great for hitting the G-spot) five-inch dildo and adjustable harness. 

You don’t even have to be a Dungeon Master to know your way around a sex swing these days, mate. Getting into BDSM with your partner requires a lot of communication and education about toys, kinks, safe words—the whole shebang. But it’s literally never been easier to install all the trappings of a horny playpen. Sex furniture abounds, and even looks stylish these days; and there are plenty of no-drill sex swings and bed restraints out there to keep you and your landlord happy. Unbound Babes’ BDSM basics kit would make a great gift for anyone during cuffing season, because it includes a pair of versatile restraints with adjustable cuffs and PVC tape that will strap-in your boo (without hurting or irritating their skin).  

Remote- and app-controlled sex toys have long been a staple of cammers and sex workers, and during the lockdown stages of the pandemic, it felt like the larger public started to realize how great it can be to cum together while miles apart. Lovense’s smartphone application is part of what makes its Lush vibrator such a hit amongst cammers (the vibrations can be linked to tips), and it can also be worn out as a kind of panty vibrator.       

LELO, who makes some of the most elegant sex toys in the biz, also makes a bestselling remote-controlled prostate massager (but you can call him, “Hugo”). As one Amazon reviewer writes, “I have a couple good [prostate massagers], then there's this guy. He's the Armani suit you wear to get the job, daily if needed. And use the remote... OMG [...] The only thing that could be better about Hugo, is if he earned a paycheck.”  

Last but not least, we’re cumming full circle with a C-ring from We-Vibe, whose app-controlled Verge cock ring is water-proof, rechargeable, and vibrates to stimulate both your partner and your perineum. What more could a good Mormon ask for?   

Honestly, just about anything can be a sick couples’ sex toy if you try hard enough. Get creative, get educated, and don’t be afraid to lay on the lube while the Kenny G blasts. 

Tune into Sex Before The Internet on Tuesdays at 9PM on VICE TV.

The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.