How DJing a Sex Party Taught Me Empathy

Chicago-based DJ White Owl is the regular DJ for a series of local sex parties.

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Aug 28 2016, 12:50pm

Photo of DJ White Owl by David Miller, courtesy of Maddlab Photography.

DJ White Owl is a Chicago-based DJ who performs for a variety of different outlets, including online radio shows, music festivals, and public parties across the city. He regularly DJs with K1SS FM and creates mixes for the Fit Radio app. He also performs regularly on LOUD, a "quintessential party" station on DASH Radio. Catch his sets twice a week on Wednesdays at 7 PM PST and Saturdays at 1 PM PST. You can find DJ White Owl on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

One of his most unusual gigs includes serving as an in-house DJ for Invite Only, a company that throws exclusive swingers and sex parties throughout Chicago. Here, he tells us about his first experience DJing at a swingers party, which he says was equally surreal and moving.


About two years ago, I was asked by a fellow DJ if I would be interested in playing at a swingers party. He wasn't able to DJ for it because he had to go out of town. He started providing information on what kind of people would be there and asking me some basic questions—you know, like what kind of music I like to play.

Even after that whole thing, I went in kind of blindly. After all, he'd said that every party was different: "You're just gonna have to see what it's like."

When I arrived at the party, I found myself at this door at a secret warehouse near the Fulton Market District on the Near West Side of Chicago. It was a 4,000-square feet warehouse that was completely cleaned out and just dark and sexy with club lighting. It's was like you were at a rave.

Next thing I knew, I was getting brought up to a DJ booth. The screen behind me had porn playing on a projector. It also projected over my face, so I couldn't really see and make out everything clearly. The man who let me in just said, "Hey man, just do your thing," but I had also been told to play Top 40 remixes.

I started playing, and remembered I had made a folder of the sexiest songs I could think of based on what I would and wouldn't want to hear if I was at this party. I decided to use that.

20 or 30 minutes went by. I had been told no one really danced at these parties; it was a "too cool for school" kind of thing. People were just lining each other up and seeing who they wanted to fuck. Not like, Let's have a dance party and go from there.

Then I started to see shit happening. I thought, "What the fuck is going ON?" I mean, you HEAR about swinger's parties, but you have no idea that these are young, good-looking people. It's not like your stereotypical idea of what you think of swingers—old, gross, men acting all slimy. This wasn't like that at all. There are those out there, but this wasn't that. It was mostly a 25-45 year-old range of good looking people, mostly fit, well off and clean. Just consenting adults wanting to have a good time.

On the left and right of this warehouse, it was really dark. There were beds on the left and right hand side of the warehouse with maybe six on both sides. These are big-ass beds, king size at least. And they had these things where ... you know when you're at a hospital and you've got those little curtains you can close shut for privacy? They had those to go around the beds so you don't see, but you could keep them open if you want. There are a lot of voyeurs there. You can look, but you can't make noises or be gross to anyone about it.

I saw guys getting blow jobs. And I saw some girls fingering other girls. I had never seen anything like this before as a DJ, but I think, alright, this is pretty cool.

I started to focus more and get a little more comfortable. I noticed slowly that I was the reason why these people were fucking. Do you know what I mean? I started to get confident and get a little swagger. It all happened really quickly too. When I started, just everyone was standing around like this is bullshit. But within an hour, there was just straight on fucking and there were three more hours to go.

I started to check out these beds as I was DJing because I was elevated from everybody. I started noticing on this bed to the left of me a woman that was trying to make eye contact with me. She was probably like late 30s and very good looking. I couldn't make out what exactly was going on, but all of a sudden, I saw this woman on all fours looking toward me and getting fucked by somebody. I couldn't tell who. I did see a dude holding her hand while she was on her hands and knees, almost like he was consoling her. He would look at his phone once in awhile or take a sip of his drink. It was a cuckold thing.

I wasn't sure. Do I look? Am I not supposed to look? Is it disrespectful? Is it weird? I wanted to make these people feel comfortable with me being there. I didn't want to be some creep. I didn't want them to think the DJ is creeping them out. That's the last thing they wanted. I had to make them feel like I was the background. Don't mind me! I was figuring all of this out as I DJed. There's nothing that really prepares you for this.

For the four hours I was there, this woman kept getting fucked by a handful of dudes and we kept making eye contact and having these weird connections. It's hard to explain. And it's not my specific lifestyle, but it was really cool to make this connection while I was DJing the whole night.

It was a different feeling than what a DJ gets when you see people dancing and having a good time. I mean, that's awesome. Or when you see people hook up and go home with each other—that's cool. But when you actually witnessed, from top to bottom fully clothed or completely naked people do shit you would normally do with the lights off when you're with your girl at your own house, with no one around? You have to respect it.

I've been doing it for two years now and well over 60 hours of DJing for them. I'm their only DJ. It's hard to be comfortable in your own skin, let alone be in your own skin and have the whole place watching you as you decide to do that. I'm just amazed by it and they seem good with me too.