The Scariest Food Horror Stories So Far This Year

Fear is a powerful emotion.

It can turn otherwise rational men into killers—like this Turkish forestry worker who killed a work buddy who taunted him with lemons. (Never underestimate a man's lemonphobia.) Fear is probably the most basic human instinct, and yet it is only really embraced at Halloween, when it is used primarily to obtain free candy. But covering food year-round is a constant reminder that frightening food stories are not a seasonal phenomenon.

For instance, the mystery of meat-wrapped-knives remains unsolved in Omaha, where people are probably still wondering why on Earth someone would go around stabbing trees with blades wrapped in meat, butcher paper, and duct tape. The only thing police know for sure is that it isn't human meat. Phew.

Speaking of unsolved mysteries, it turns out that a piece of pineapple may have been at the root of one of the most notorious murders of the 90s. The JonBenét Ramsey case resurfaced yet again this year when the tropical fruit was found to be at the center of a theory that her brother may have been behind the crime.

And while the FBI managed to track down the guy who was spraying a mix of hand cleaner, water, and mouse poison on a Whole Foods salad bars, it reminded us all how vulnerable we are to the whims of maniacs who use food as a way to fuck with people.

As we all know by now, people dressing up as scary clowns and terrorizing neighborhoods is no longer just a Halloween thing—it seems to have evolved into some kind of global phenomenon. Scary clowns are even robbing pizzerias in Germany and forcing McDonald's to reconsider their iconic mascot.

And finally, no creepy food story round-up would be complete without Satan appearing in a steak.

These are just a few of the dark, bizarre examples of food coverage you can expect from MUNCHIES; but stay tuned for the time-traveling Arby's thief, alligators being thrown into Wendy's restaurants, and lots of preppers stocking up for the inevitable collapse of the global banking system and civil order.

And let's be honest: Is anything really scarier than the US presidential election right now?

Yeah, that puts a lot into perspective.