White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer may have expressed a lack of appreciation for facts during his very first media briefing when he claimed that Trump's inauguration had the "largest audience to ever witness an inauguration—period—both in person and around the globe," despite extremely strong evidence to the contrary. But it turns out that Spicer happens to have a far greater adversary than something as inconsequential as easily demonstrable truths.
The man seems to hate Dippin' Dots. Like, he abhors them.
Yes, we're talking about the spherical ice cream snack that is the object of desire for every third grader on a class trip to the local science museum. Dippin' Dots appears to be the bane of existence for the man who is President Trump's public voice.
Why? We have no fucking idea.
Spicer has been expressing his disdain for the frozen novelty treat—which is marketed under the tagline "Ice Cream of the Future"—for a full five years. And in keeping with his boss's predilection, he has taken to Twitter to express his feelings.
It all began back in 2010, with tweet number one, when Spicer declared as follows: "Dippin dots is NOT the ice cream of the future."
OK, fine. We can all agree that Dippin' Dots are a tad retro, but do we feel the need to share that thought with our Twitter followers? Not necessarily.
Spicer evidently felt the need to express that thought. And then he didn't stop.
Along came Dippin' Dots hate-tweet number two (note that Spicer was then communications director of the Republican National Committee, with—we can only presume—more important things to tweet about): "I think I have said this before but Dippin' Dots are notthe [sic] ice cream of the future."
Later in 2011 came tweet number three—a gleeful report that Dippin' Dots had filed for bankruptcy (the company was subsequently purchased). Spicer's fourth installment in his Dippin' Dots hate-fest was in 2015, which snidely referred to a deficit of vanilla Dippin' Dots at a Washington Nationals game.
What the hell? The collective curiosity about why Spicer hates Dippin' Dots is nearing the degree that Americans want to see Donald Trump's tax returns (which is "a lot," regardless of Kellyanne Conway's dismissal of the issue).
Earlier today, Dippin' Dots CEO Scott Fischer published an open letter to Spicer in which he offered to "treat the White House and press corps to an ice cream social" and told thePress Secretary, "We've seen your tweets and would like to be friends rather than foes."
Incidentally, Spicer also appears to have some real beef with Daft Punk, or as he calls them, "Daft Funk," but that's a story for another place and time. Suffice it to say that Spicer appears to be a man of strong likes and dislikes, and his waters run deep.
Back to the Dots: Was it a traumatic childhood trip to the Kennedy Space Center? A longstanding rivalry with Curt Jones, the microbiologist who "used his knowledge of cryogenic technology" to invent Dippin' Dots? An overwhelming and irrational love of Mister Softee?
Why, Sean Spicer? Why?
Perhaps time will reveal all. In the meantime, keep those icy little spheres out of the White House Briefing Room. And get ready for an interesting four years to come.