A lot of important people died in 2016, but only one of them was truly sexy. How was Prince sexy? Let me count the ways: The almond-shaped eyes, his butt in a pair of high-waisted corseted trousers, the solid lantern of his jaw. [Editor's note: Come on, what about David Bowie?] Sexier even than his perfectly firm, peach-like ass was Prince's attitude towards female sexuality, which was always celebrated and never shamed. In honor of the late Prince Rogers Nelson, here are our favourite Broadly sex stories from 2016: The funny, the erotic, the thought provoking, and the plain weird. Enjoy.
People reading this might say, Why are you including an article about incest in a round up of the year's sexist content? Incest isn't sexy! To which, I reply: The best erotic experiences are the most transgressive, and really what's more transgressive than fucking your brother?
You might think I didn't end up scoring at this cacao dating night because the cacao—lukewarm, claggy and cold—gave me diarrhea, but that's not actually it. Think of all the people who get diarrhea at music festivals and still wind up getting fingered in a pop-up tent (me, for starters).
No, the reason I didn't get lucky at this cacao dating night was because it was run by a tyrant with a Saddam Hussein moustache and it was alcohol-free. Fill a room with not enough men and too many women—fine. Make me play stupid games—fine. But don't cut off the booze.
Here is what I learnt from reading this article: If the adjective you are using to describe a body part could equally apply to a root vegetable, pick a different word. "The pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation," writes a minor British musician in an execrable piece of erotic fiction. Read this, then Ctrl+Alt+Delete on that Larry fan fiction you've been quietly writing during downtime at work.
It's difficult to pick just one of Lydia Faithfull's Ask a Hooker columns, because they're all so great, but this one explaining how to send a selfie is probably the most useful. Run a bath, open the curtains for some natural lights, and always avoid fluorescent lights.
Yeah, it's probably bad form to include three of your own pieces in a year-end piece, but whatever: This is essential reading for anyone who's ever fallen in fake love with a one-night stand because of a stupid chemical dump in their brain. Also featuring: Cute, slutty prairie voles!
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