I have shopped at the same supermarket for at least two years, long enough to have a favorite cashier, and also long enough to know that those feelings aren’t reciprocated. Despite the fact that I go there twice a week—or more, if there’s a deal on LaCroix—I still regularly open Google Maps on the way to make sure I don't get lost.Yes, I’m an idiot; but at least I know myself well enough to not even attempt Vitaminwater’s upcoming contest. Earlier this week, Coca-Cola’s electrolyte-enhanced subsidiary announced that it would give $100,000 to one lucky(???) person if they’re able to go 365 straight days without using a smartphone.
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“Did you know 1 out of 2 people say they couldn’t live without their smartphone,” the company writes on its website. “Yikes. break the cycle with scroll-free life solutions™ by Vitaminwater.” To enter all you have to do is share a Twitter or Instagram post that illustrates what you’d do with all that free time instead of using your phone, tag it with both #nophoneforayear and #contest, and then wait until January 22 to see if Vitaminwater slides into your DMs to let you know that you’ve been selected.According to the official contest rules, the entries will be judged on several criteria, including creativity and originality, cultural and brand relevance, humor, and “quality of submission.” (That’s defined as proper grammar and spelling.) It’s also worth noting that if your entry includes any reference to one of its competitors, you’ll be kicked out of the contest faster than you can say ‘Pamplemousse.’After the company selects a winner, that person will be given a “1996-era cellular telephone” to use for the next year, and he or she will be asked to sign a contract promising to “not use (or touch)” any smartphone for a whole year. According to the rules, tablets are also forbidden, but laptops, desktop computers, and voice-activated devices like Google Home or Amazon Echo are acceptable. ALEXA, PLAY “DESPACITO” ON REPEAT UNTIL NEXT JANUARY.Vitaminwater hasn’t specified how it will verify that the contest winner successfully abstained from all things smartphone, but it does promise that at least one lie detector test will be involved. (MUNCHIES has reached out to Coca-Cola for additional information and will update if we hear back). If the entrant makes it the full 12 months, they’ll get what is hopefully a comically-oversized cardboard check for $100,000. If they make it six months, they’ll score $10,000—but if they handle a smartphone before half a year has passed, they’ll get nothing except several hashtagged reminders of their own tech addiction.If you’re planning to give this a go, we suggest you spend the next month Googling how to trick a polygraph—or at least memorizing the route to the grocery store you just went to fucking YESTERDAY.
