10 Things James Harden Could Have Done After Breaking Wesley Johnson

The Houston Rockets guard took on the LA Clippers, and good goddamn, was he disrespectful.

|
Mar 1 2018, 3:28pm

Screen capture via Twitter/@NBA 

I don't wake up every day, hoping to write a murder report, but this morning is different. Because I'm staring down Wesley Johnson's autopsy, and my face is cracked in half with glee.

Last night, the pick-pocketing Houston Rockets took on the Clippers, wagging Chris Paul in their face, but it wasn't Paul who'd snag the headlines. It was James fucking Harden. Because... just watch:

You can say a lot of things about this. It's disrespectful. It's dirty. It's James Harden, calcified. But let's just take the time to appreciate the in-between—the negative space: the amount of time that James Harden has to contemplate his shot after wrecking Wesley Johnson and staring him down.

It. Was. So. Long.

So long!

So long Harden could have:

  1. Knitted a sweater depicting him breaking Wesley Johnson's ankles
  2. Contemplated changing religions
  3. Done three weeks' worth of New York Times crossword puzzles
  4. Built a model rocket
  5. Read Ulysses
  6. Forget Ulysses, taken a time machine back to 1922 and rewritten the whole thing before James Joyce
  7. Solved world hunger
  8. Written Wesley Johnson's mom an apology note
  9. Taken a nine-year course on podiatry
  10. Repaired Wesley Johnson's ankle

Stories