Ryan O'Hanlon

Sports

A Complete Dipshit’s Guide to Euro 2012

You should watch the Euro 2012 tourney instead of listening to Skip Bayless turn into a stack of Pringles.
Ryan O'Hanlon
6.5.12
Sports

The Champions League Final Is Stupid and Unimportant

On Saturday the sixth-best soccer team in England is playing the second-best team in Germany for the title of best team in Europe. It doesn't really make sense, we know.
Ryan O'Hanlon
5.18.12
Sports

Relegation is Super Duper Cool

This weekend, let's celebrate not-quite-shitty-enough soccer.
Ryan O'Hanlon
5.11.12
Sports

Coaching England’s Football Team Is a Job for the Insane

Roy Hodgson looks like an owl and once tried to erase his own face. Perfect for managing the English national team, a job that is not a job.
Ryan O'Hanlon
5.7.12
Sports

Hey Idiot! Watch Barcelona-Real Madrid on Saturday

Here's a conversation I had with someone who doesn't exist that will make you realize you must watch soccer this weekend.
Ryan O'Hanlon
4.16.12
Sports

Carlos Tevez’s History of Crazy

Tevez is a hard-worn soccer player, who seemingly sleeps in the sun and eats chunks of steel for dinner.
Ryan O'Hanlon
4.10.12
Sports

US Soccer Is Out of the Olympics

Despite all the yapping, Monday’s failure to qualify is not a referendum on US Soccer but it’s not totally meaningless, either.
Ryan O'Hanlon
3.28.12
Sports

Fabrice Muamba’s Heart Attack Brought Soccer to a Stop

Technically, he was dead for over an hour. It's the kind of thing that makes your own heart scream through your chest.
Ryan O'Hanlon
3.23.12
Sports

In Defense of Luis Suarez, a Racist Little Kid

Suarez has done and said some stupid things in his career, but just like you’d never tell a child that he’s a “piece of shit,” you wouldn’t say it about Suarez with any real certainty.
Ryan O'Hanlon
3.20.12