Jordan Foisy

Stuff

I Tried to Find the Worst Bar in Toronto and Learned Everything

I am a drunk Charles Dickens.
Jordan Foisy
4.8.17
Hangovers

A Guide to Every Hangover Cure I've Ever Tried

Some of these might come in handy.
Jordan Foisy
3.17.17
masculinity

Confessions of a Balding Man

Underneath my bruised vanity lies the specter of death.
Jordan Foisy
2.22.17
column

The Guilt of the Oldest Brother

I couldn’t protect my brothers from my dad, so what good was I?
Jordan Foisy
2.1.17
guide

What Your Favorite Christmas Song Says About You

There is no genre of music worse than Christmas music. Here's an objectively correct list of what your favorite shitty song says about your shitty self.
Jordan Foisy
12.18.16
Stuff

The Serious Business of Betting on Horse Racing

This is not a social activity. I don't even know if people here are having what I would call fun. Show some respect, service is in session. People here aren't looking for trouble or to get wild, they are here to die with some dignity.
Jordan Foisy
10.5.16
column

The Harsh Reality of Being Broke

Here's a brief list of things that I'm finding impossible right now: looking good, having sex, maintaining friendships, having decent self-esteem, and having hope for the future.
Jordan Foisy
8.18.16
Stuff

A Celebration of Daddys: My Life in Father Figures

When your real dad is a volatile drug addict, you start looking to Homer Simpson and your landlord for fatherly advice.
Jordan Foisy
7.4.16
Stuff

What Your Favorite Karaoke Song Says About You

Read this story to learn the one surefire song to get you laid.
Jordan Foisy
6.14.16
Stuff

​I Have a First Nations Background and Didn't Think 'Kimmy Schmidt' Was Racist

Does this make me a bad person, a secret racist, or something even worse?
Jordan Foisy
5.4.16
tech

Why My Flip Phone Is Better Than Your Smartphone

For starters, Facebook notifications are a lot more thrilling when you actually have to sit down at a computer.
Jordan Foisy
4.13.16
Stuff

What Happens When a Pessimist Dates an Optimist

It's the end of the world, and I feel fine about feeling wretched. My girlfriend, not so much.
Jordan Foisy
3.29.16
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