Jordan Foisy VICE

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The Guilt of the Oldest Brother

I couldn’t protect my brothers from my dad, so what good was I?
Jordan Foisy
2.1.17
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What Your Favorite Christmas Song Says About You

There is no genre of music worse than Christmas music. Here's an objectively correct list of what your favorite shitty song says about your shitty self.
Jordan Foisy
12.18.16
Stuff

The Serious Business of Betting on Horse Racing

This is not a social activity. I don't even know if people here are having what I would call fun. Show some respect, service is in session. People here aren't looking for trouble or to get wild, they are here to die with some dignity.
Jordan Foisy
10.5.16
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The Harsh Reality of Being Broke

Here's a brief list of things that I'm finding impossible right now: looking good, having sex, maintaining friendships, having decent self-esteem, and having hope for the future.
Jordan Foisy
8.18.16
Stuff

A Celebration of Daddys: My Life in Father Figures

When your real dad is a volatile drug addict, you start looking to Homer Simpson and your landlord for fatherly advice.
Jordan Foisy
7.4.16
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What Your Favorite Karaoke Song Says About You

Read this story to learn the one surefire song to get you laid.
Jordan Foisy
6.14.16
Stuff

​I Have a First Nations Background and Didn't Think 'Kimmy Schmidt' Was Racist

Does this make me a bad person, a secret racist, or something even worse?
Jordan Foisy
5.4.16
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Why My Flip Phone Is Better Than Your Smartphone

For starters, Facebook notifications are a lot more thrilling when you actually have to sit down at a computer.
Jordan Foisy
4.13.16
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What Happens When a Pessimist Dates an Optimist

It's the end of the world, and I feel fine about feeling wretched. My girlfriend, not so much.
Jordan Foisy
3.29.16
Stuff

The Things My Drug-Addicted Father Gave Me

When I was a kid, my dad was a charming cowboy loved by his friends. But now the only thing left of that man is a bolo tie.
Jordan Foisy
3.3.16
Stuff

We Asked Comedians to Tell Us the Worst Thing That Happened to Them in 2015

Death, Trump, cruise boat pedophilia... it was a weird year for comedians.
Jordan Foisy
12.18.15
Stuff

Why Isn't Pop Culture Better at Talking About Climate Change?

Some of the best art of the past year tackles major social issues like racism and surveillance. So why don't more TV shows and movies take on climate change?
Jordan Foisy
12.14.15
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