new year's resolutions
My Abysmal Failure to Have Sex on a Cruise Ship
I had high hopes for a high-seas adventure that would involve boning, but the ship turned out to be inhabited mostly by elderly people and an unfortunately-named band.
The Fear Digest
Not Finding 'Friends,' Getting Fat, and Other Things That Freaked Out Americans This Week
We entered 2015 the way we left 2014: worried about everything.
This Week in Racism
New Year's Resolutions for Racists in 2015
White supremacists have New Year's resolutions too. Most of them involve the subjugation of minorities. Also, puppies.
Fuck the Haters, New Year’s Eve Is Awesome
New Year's has a lot of haters. Fuck that. This is the one night of the year when you can be whoever you want to be.
Lower Your Expectations with These Crappy New Year's Eve Stories
Other than perhaps the day after your birthday, there is no other date that is as consistently shitty and depressing as December 31.
How to Get Laid at the Gym
Most guys approach the gym like Clint Eastwood walking into a shootout: they want to be alone, they want to be very serious, and they'll kill anyone who comes near them.