When was the last time you said, "Do you know what, I had a great sleep on that flight."
I'm not convinced anybody in the history of aviation has ever said this without having taken a fistful of Valium first. Especially not when reflecting upon a budget airline experience, after which the most common expressions are, "Thank god" and "UGH" and "Where is my luggage."
Still, infamous UK airline-turned-drone artist easyJet have released an ambient album intended to ease you gently into a night of undisturbed slumber. It is made up entirely of airplane engine noise, specifically, a pair of CFM56 jet engines recorded at 39,000 ft. en-route from Gatwick to Nice. It is called Jet Sounds. Thank you.
Before you ask, this has all been done in the name of charity. This is an album released with the hope of raising lots of money for the Children's Sleep Charity to help them continue supporting children and families with sleep issues and also train sleep professionals. This is a good thing.
Although, it sort of depends what your associations are with flying, doesn't it. The sound of roaring jet engines may help you drift into the realm of the unconscious, or it might remind you of four hours of relentless air conditioning and make you feel cold. It might remind you of being suspended thousands of feet in the air over the Alps and make you feel weird. It might make you feel like you're living inside the explosion from Twin Peaks, Season 3, Episode 8.
This is for charity. Charity is good.
If you embrace it it has a similar effect to the sound of a roaring fire or a waterfall – something repetitive and consistent that overrides all the background noises in your life. You may love it and feel compelled to throw your copy of Brian Eno's Ambient 1: Music for Airports in the bin. You may also feel compelled to think about that time you tried to get an easyJet flight back from Madrid but they kept getting cancelled for no apparent reason and you spent five hours curled up on the floor of the departure lounge rationing peanuts – one every 15 minutes – so you wouldn't pass out. You drink the last drop from a bottle of water you can't replace because you've used up all your money and you think, "Maybe this is how I die." Eventually you get home, a cursed image of your former self, and get into bed and vow to leave a bad review online tomorrow. You don't. You never want to get on a plane or be reminded of the existence of planes again.
But it's for charity, remember! There are children out there who can't sleep!!!
Jet Sounds is set for release on digital streaming services today (11 August). To give you an idea of the sort of 'sounds' you are to expect, they have supplied us with a ten-hour deep cut of of engine noise. Which is actually unrealistic as a simulated experience in the first place because the longest easyJet route is between the UK and Egypt, which is about six hours.
You should give money to charity.
Follow Emma on Twitter.