What's New in Meat?

It’s news. About meat. Hungry? You won’t be.

SHIT MEAT

By this point Japan has to be fucking with us right? Sniffing underwear and humping latex robots is one thing but now they’re trying to make meat out of poop. The high level of bacteria in feces means that it’s naturally rich in protein. Japanese researchers have devised a method to extract, colour and flavor this shitty protein to make it resemble beef.

The environmental and waste advantages are pretty high, but the scientists admit there are “psychological barriers that need to be surmounted knowing that your food is made from human feces.”

GREEN MEAT

Puerto Rico’s exploding Iguana population has reached about four million. This has precipitated a rise in lizard attacks on kids and tourist. To cut numbers and make a few clams in the process, the government is planning to export the meat to hungry Asian Americans for $6 a pound. Which is great if you’re looking to make dinner that much more terrifying.

OMIPRESENT MEAT

If you think cutting down meat consumption is a pussy move, you’ll love the Red Meat Combifoods Program. They’re working on breaking down meat proteins and shooting them into other foods, turning them into weird new meat delivery systems. So far they’ve managed to meatify foods such as spaghetti, bread, and even fancy ice cream. Within a year they will be able to make pretty much anything out of meat, including fruit and vegetables.

PETA SPONSORED MEAT

The deadline for PETA’s $1M reward for creating and selling synthetic chicken meat is drawing near. According to the PETA website, meat scientists around the world have until June 30, 2012 to produce and take to market some form of in-vitro chicken snack. To win, the product will have to be indistinguishable from chicken in texture and taste to both meat eaters and vegetarians alike. The prize is intended to speed up the introduction of cruelty free meat alternatives that don’t involve lentils and is a totally legit use of scientists’ time given that AIDS and Cancer have both been cured.

Previously - What's New in Meat