I found this bag in my trash can this morning. It smelled like a wet dog covered in lube. I'm not sure how it got there, but my guess is that the previous owner was mugged and it was dumped there by the assailants. Which is obviously very sad, but maybe you were the previous owner? If so, I would love to reunite you with your possessions. Do you recognize this stuff?
Is this your collar that I still can't believe I was willing to touch with my own bare skin?
Is this your child-sized sex suit?
Is this your assortment of restraining devices? How about that garter? Is it yours?
Are these your glass tube contraptions? Or are you at least able to tell me in the comments what they're for? Are they cum vials?
Are these your incredibly unsexy Gwen Stefani shoes?
Is this your well-chewed paddle? Is it?
Is this your cum-stained police uniform? Are you aware that impersonating an officer of the law is illegal?
Is this your disturbingly nobbly vibrator?
Is this your whip? Why is it so difficult to use?
Is this your hugely impractical bra?
What about this sad, graying strap-on? Is it yours?
Are these your handcuffs that you could easily escape from if you wanted to but you don't?
Seriously, is all this stuff yours? If it is, and you would like it back, get in touch. I'm very eager to get it all back to you. No questions asked.MAC HACKETT
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