Hairy Pizzas

The author with her dad. Photo by Jeza Mastaler

Hello, my dad is Troy Sanders from Mastodon. Here I have interviewed him for Vice Magazine. Vice AKA Me: Dad. Why is the band called Mastodon? Troy: We wanted to find a good way to describe a horde of hideous yet peaceful beasts. Our first choice for the band name was “Large Hairy Pizza Wearing Funny Moon Boots And Moon Slippers” but unfortunately that name was taken so we settled on Mastodon. What did you want to be when you grew up? I went through the normal routine of dreaming when I was nine. I wanted to be an army man, ninja or Evel Knievel. Then it was things like being a Playboy photographer or baseball player. All this led up to me wanting to be Cliff Burton. I chose the latter and now live in the glory of a travelling fart tube, rocking the world with my musical brothers and spreading Mastolove through my life as a rock and roll bass god. Oh. When did you start to learn the guitar? I made my attempt to learn the bass guitar at the mere age of 15. It was at the pinnacle of an uncomfortable and awkward time. The peak of realising I was a complete loser with an ugly face and no friends. It was an excellent age to spend all of my days locked within my bedroom walls and taking stabs at my favourite Kiss songs. I used to hang out with your Uncle Kyle from Blood Simple who inspired me to pick up the bass. The problem was he had no desire whatsoever to help me play as all of his time was spent pinning your Uncle Darren and me down with his knees and releasing horrendous gases on our faces. You know when we watch TV together, what are your favourite programmes? Ha, you know. The only TV shows we ever watch together are my favourite programmes, The Simpsons and Cartoon Network. I reckon animated television and being a kid are the best two things in life to ever be combinated! Do not ever let that brilliance fade away. Now you have to brush your gums and go to bed! I don’t want to. You have no choice. LIL’ SANDERS, AGED 9