Learning Life Lessons at London Anime Convention 2012

This weekend, the London Anime Convention descended upon North London in a carnival of hyper-colorful wigs, larger than life cartoon character costumes, and fit-inducing lights (don't they have epilepsy in Japan?). All of which was pretty strange given that everyone there was incredibly shy, but I guess people just deal with social anxiety in different ways. Some people buy a big jacket and listen to The Smiths, some people dress up like a Japanese schoolgirl and shave off all their facial hair.

As it was strictly an 18+ event, I went down to find out what the average anime-loving British adult is like. Hopefully in the process I would learn something about anime, and maybe even myself (doubtful).

Before I entered the convention, I had to talk my way past this pair.

Dan (left) and Ben.

VICE: Are you guys security?
Dan: No, we're the squad from the Sega game Valkyria Chronicles III.
Ben: We're like a modern version of it. It was originally a Japanese retelling of the Second World War.

You kinda just look like regular soldiers.
Ben: [laughs] Well, Cosplay for the actual Valkyria would have been a bit flimsy for Airsoft, because we're in an actual team.

I did not understand that sentence.
Dan: The official uniforms were too expensive so we made our own.

Ah right. You said you were in a team, how's that going?
Dan: Good. Well, actually we lost yesterday, but…

Are those badges your team's emblem?

Ben: No, that's Pedobear, it's just an internet reference.
Dan: Yeah, that's just for the LOLz.

I'm fully aware of Pedobear. But is he LOLz?
Dan: The convention is over 18. I can't see it being a problem.

What do guys you do for a living, anyway?
Dan: I'm an aerospace engineer.
Ben: I'm a lawyer.

Why do you like anime?
Ben: The guns and violence and sex. Basically they're –
Dan: They're like grown-up man's cartoons.

I've not been inside yet, how is the convention?
Ben: It's been good but there's not any hentai [manga porn] this year.

Is that a problem?
Dan: Well it's 18+, so I can't understand why there wouldn't be. [laughs]

I didn't really want to believe that everyone inside was gonna go home later that night and jerk off over a violent cartoon, so I moved on from Dan and Ben. Upon entry, a man in a panda costume got angry with me when he saw my camera, but other than that London's vibrant Wapanese were happy to share their colorful lives with me.

Here's a mystical being I met.

Hey, who are you?
Nine-Tailed Demon Fox: I'm a Kurama, a Nine-Tailed Demon Fox from Naruto.

OK. What's your story?
I got trapped into the main character of the series. I'm sort of like unlimited energy. I live inside him.

Like an alter-ego?
In a way.

Do you feel like today, Nine-Tailed Demon Fox is your alter-ego?
Yeah.

Who are you normally?
I'm Aaron, I'm a chef.

So far, I had spoken to an aerospace engineer, a lawyer and a chef, and had discovered that the further down the professional ladder you go, the nicer the person inside the costume is. However, this tends to be the case even when people aren't dressed as demon foxes. I was hungry for some clandestine knowledge, and I thought I may have found it when the tannoy announced that something called the 'masquerade' was about to start. It sounded exclusive and dangerous, like something rich people might do at a lodge in the countryside when they've reached the stage where they have to work very hard to get any joy out of life.

It was more or less the exact opposite of that. These are some of the entrants in the masquerade costume competition.

This girl came dressed as Edward Scissorhands. (Though possibly not through her own free will? She looks pretty upset about it.)

This "pony" seemed equally reluctant to be alive at the time this was shot.

This woman was more of a crowd pleaser, and jumped around for a while (everyone cheered when she jumped, I think this was an anime reference I didn't get).

Apparently Adam Ant is anime now.

Here's Dani Filth giving it the biggun'…

And his nemesis the Black Swan…

And finally Ruth, who had made her dress from scratch, and won (yay).

Brave as it clearly was for these people to get on a stage in a hall full of strangers, I couldn't help but think that a lot of their costumes were pretty shit compared to some of those who hadn't entered the competition. I realized that, just like IRL, sometimes the people who want attention the most are the least deserving of it. So I wandered off to continue my quest.

Who are you?
Kamushi: I'm a Gothic, Japanese fashion-style Lolita. My alter-ego is Kamushi.

Why didn't you enter the masquerade?
I'm not brave enough.

How did you get into the whole Lolita thing?
I was about ten years old when I watched my first anime film. So, since then.

Who are you when you're not Kamushi?
Laura, I'm a stay at home mom.

Who are you then, mate?
Kirino Kosaka: I'm Kirino Kosaka from My Little Sister Can't Be This Cute.

That's an interesting name for a story. What is it about Kirino that appeals to you?
She's quite a demanding person, I am too.

What does she get up to?
She's a secret 'otaku' [obsessive collector] of little sister themed 'eroge' [video game erotica], who makes her older brother do stuff for her.

:(

I got chatting to these guys, who told me that I'd missed some kind of human auction the day before, where costumed anime fans were carted onto the stage and then sold off to the highest bidder. The highest bidder then got to "spend time with them for the evening."

I was shocked. Romance in anime land is dictated by a sexual economy, too?! Apparently these two wizards only sold for a couple of quid, but some girls who came as Final Fantasy characters fetched as much as £50 each from a couple of older men. This sounded a lot like legalized prostitution of some kind, and so, eager not to let any real journalism get in the way of my quest, I avoided delving any deeper.

Which was a pretty good decision, because pretty soon I ran into these guys.

Sora (left), Ventus (middle) and Roxas.

Who are you guys?
Ventus: We're Keyblade wielders from Kingdom Hearts.
Roxas: We rid the world of darkness.
Sora: We work together.

Do you have rivals?
Roxas: There are a couple of Organization XIII members here. They're our enemies.

Have you confronted them?
Sora: I have, yes.

What did you say?
Sora: I told them: “I will win!”

What would you say if you saw them again?
Ventus: The hearts are strong! The heartless are weak! Organization XIII are going down!

You guys are fun!

Who are you today?
Michelle: I'm a tiger.

From what series?
None, I'm just a tiger.

I like you.

After all this I went to look for some fun stuff to do, but these guys had broken the dancing pads. So I went to get drunk.

Pretty soon, everyone was zonked, including me. So I got up halfway through a quiz about the Ocarina of Time and headed for the exits.

A group of anime fans were walking up ahead of me as I made my way back to the tube. As we wandered further from the convention back to (SO-CALLED) normality, the anime fans' annoying babbling reduced to a murmur, and by the time we were back around the norms, they just sort of stood around looking at each other nervously.

At this point, I would have felt sorry for them, but why should I cry for them? Sure, anime fans might look, think, act, talk, dance, pose, and masturbate weird, but then aren't we all a bit weird? How we ever gonna survive—any of us—unless we're a little crazy?

If today had taught me anything, it was that I shouldn't try to take the piss out of anime nerds, because when it comes down to it we're all just scared, bored blobs of meat looking for a reason not to die. At least they've found theirs.

@joshuahaddow