Dear VICE - I Was Beaten Up by a Ghostbuster

Hey Vice,

i got a story i wanna see if you guys are interested. earlier this year i went to sxsw and on the first night got really drunk, i found myself walking through the festival and finding [the name of a Ghostbuster has been redacted - ed], i ran up to him and we talked for a while, then i tried to get a picture of me kissing him on the cheek whilst ma mate took a photo. when that happened to massive black security guards come outta nowhere and dragged me off him. he looked so mad so i said sorry. i thought everything would be ok but he gave them a nod and i remember him saying ‘yeah do what needs to be done’ then they dragged me down some alley and into a pickup, after driving me about 10 miles down the freeway the pulled me out the truck and kicked the shit out of me, one of them put my head on top of a bottle and then stamped on it, it was mad i swear. anyway, i thought you guys would maybe wanna cover the story, i’d go into more detail if you wanna (theres loads i left out, and im a good storyteller)? let me know.

Vice Sez: We're going to climb way out on a limb here and say that the dude you kissed wasn't a Ghostbuster. You say in the second sentence that you were "really drunk" (and your letter sort of reads like you still are) when you tried to lay a wet one on the cheek of one of the most beloved characters in recent cinematic history. That was a mechanic from outside Austin who heard your (presumably) British accent before you tried to kiss him, mistook you (or not? tough to tell from the letter) for a gay, and had you beaten up outside his shop (pretty SOP for Texas).

Go back and watch the original Ghostbusters. Your alleged assailant, while he does have occasional attitude/motivational problems, would never have someone beaten up for being a fan. In short, we refuse to believe you, and if you insist on slandering him, or any Ghostbuster in the future, we will have you dragged into an alley and your head smashed on a bottle.