We Went to the Alan Border Medal Presentation Because Someone Invited Us

Everyday we arrive at work to inboxes full of invitations from public relations people who don’t really know what we do. They can be anything from the launch of a new brand of mocassin, to the latest pop up flash mob collaborative branded street art fashion crossover. In the past we’ve just deleted these emails to make room for our Coupon of the Day specials, but then an invite came through for the Alan Border Medal Presentation and we thought fuck it and rsvp’d for our friend Karl Henkell. As it turned out, he felt completely at ease at Cricket Australia’s glitzy night of nights, even though we told him he had to ask everyone he spoke to the same vague and annoying question. Over to you Karl.

We got there half an hour late, and security didn't want to let us in. There’s something about wearing double denim to this sort of event that doesn’t signify a huge interest in cricket or a reason to be there. Also, we found our sign scrunched up and kicked to the side. It's good to see where we sit in the Australian media landscape.

Emma Doherty

VICE: So how does it feel?
Emma: How does what feel?

Umm, you know, it.
It's very exciting. A lot of preparation went into the day.

What are you looking forward to most?
Everybody being in the room at the same time. Everyone’s always in different places so it's nice to catch up with the girls and the guys.

Kayla Dickson and James Pattinson

That’s an amazing dress.
Kayla: Why thank you.

How does it feel?
It's beautiful. She fitted it exactly to my body, so it's very comfortable.

What are you most excited about? The medal, the dessert, the after party?
Probably the dessert, and maybe a couple of champagnes throughout the night.

What's your no. 1 dessert?
A vanilla bean something or panna cotta.

And, er, how does does your suit feel?
James: Yeah it's pretty good actually, it feels quite comfortable. I lost a bit of weight so I’m not quite filling it out as well as I probably should be.

You might be after dinner

Mitchell and Jessica Johnson

How does it feel?
Mitchell Johnson: It's great. Coming to these events is always nice, it's a great night. It's just good fun.

Are you in with a chance?
Nah, I'm just here to enjoy it.

You have really nice hair. Did you do it yourself?
I did yeah.

That dress is awesome, very Catwoman. How does it feel?
Jessica: Oh I love it. I had a baby two months ago so I wanted something that was quite big and fitting. It's quite flattering on me.

Where's baby tonight?
At the hotel with my mum.

You didn't want to bring baby along?
She's got reflux so she'd be all over my dress if she was!

That'd be hard to get off the fabric.

How does it feel?
Man in grey jacket: Oh it's just one of those nights. The buzz gets going early. You get in there and the broadcast starts and it's all very exciting. I'm looking forward to seeing who's the winner.

Will you be getting your buzz on tonight?
Oh I’ll think I'll pace myself.

What will you be drinking?
I think I'll start off with a bit of the Wolf Blass champagne and a couple of Crown Lagers. That'll be it for tonight.

Rianna Cantor

How does it feel?
How does what feel?

All of it?
Oh it’s lots of fun. Just being back with everyone and celebrating.

So this isn’t your first time?
It’s my 13th.

What’s the best part of the night?
After the red carpet.

Lee and Shane Watson

You look amazing. That's a great ensemble. How does it feel?
Lee: It feels good. I feel really special.

When are you expecting?
Next month.

That’s usually a very awkward question to ask. But I don't feel like I'm overstepping a line in asking that question.
Aren't you sweet. You're definitely right there.

Where's your jewellery from?
It's all Joanna Johnson. She designed the frock as well. I had fittings every week for the last six weeks, because I've just got bigger and bigger. She also designed all the bling and the head-piece.

Is it your first time here?
I've been here 7 years actually.

What's the most exciting part?
Probably the after-party. But this time I won't be making the most of it. Water and diet coke is what I'll be drinking.

Do the after-parties get debaucherous?
It does get a little bit loose, but I shouldn't say too much more!

I bet you could though. Hey Shane, how does it feel?
Shane: Oh its always a good night. Especially to see all the old legends, as well as the players you don't see throughout the year.

Do you always do your own hair?
No Lee helped me out tonight. It needed a woman’s touch.

Nicole Kitching

Hey! Great dress.
Nicole: Thank you! It's Paolo Sebastian.

You look a bit like Taylor Swift. Do you get that often?
No I don't. I've never got that before.

First times are so special. How does it feel?
I'm a little bit nervous, everyone's judging you on what you're wearing.

If there were a best-dressed comp tonight, you'd definitely be in the running. Are you keeping the dress?
No, unless I wreck it.

Glenn McGrath and Sara Leonardi

While waiting in line, we overheard Glenn was being inducted into the hall of fame from the guy next to me and figured that must feel interesting.

Glenn, hey. It’s obviously quite a big night for you! How does it feel?
Glenn: Yeah I'm looking forward to it. It’s pretty special to be inducted into the Australian cricket hall of fame. So I guess as a young fella you dream about playing cricket for Australia. And here I am, retired for almost six years and being inducted, so it's pretty special.

Do you still play a bit?
Nah. Last official game was 3.5 years ago. So it's been a while. I'm fully retired now.

Girl reporter standing next to us: Glenn, what's your skin-care regime, being in the sun all your life.
I know I don't look my age… but people say I look about 10 years younger than I am.

Hey man, how does it feel?
Stand-In Girlfriend: Oh I'm nervous. There are so many big people here.

Do you play yourself?
No I do athletics and high jump.

How'd you get an invite?
Oh this guy’s girlfriend isn't here. So I'm her stand-in.

What will you be getting into later on?
Not sure really. I don't drink.

Kyly Clarke

How does it feel?
Kyly: Really good! I actually got to collaborate with J'Aton on this gown and i just think they've done such an amazing job.

I've noticed a lot of metallic touches in dresses tonight. Is that a thing?
Is there? I haven't seen too many girls with that.

Do you have to be clicked in or something?
It is a belt, but I can wear it with pretty much anything. It's very versatile.

Is it constricting?
No it's actually really comfortable. It's made out of jersey so its very free-falling.

Michael Clarke was standing nearby but the lady next to us pounced on him before we got to ask him anything. Luckily we recorded her question.

Interviewer: What's your skincare regime?
Michael: I actually just use shower water. I sometimes use some Lynx chocolate shower wash. When I'm in India I use bottled water.

HOSTESSES

How does it feel?
We're not allowed to comment unfortunately. But you can take a photo.

Amberley Lobo

Can we interview the interviewer?
Amberley: Oh for sure!

How'd you get into cricket?
Oh man. Long time player, first time caller sort of a thing. Bowler from long back. Three and a half paces to my run-up. I'm committed to the cause. It's what I do. It's my bread and butter.

How's your throwing arm?
Not a good throwing arm to be honest, don't field, don't bat. That's why I'm not on a team! I do go down to the G and play with all the guys there.

How does it feel?
To be a cricket player?

Sure.
It hurts! I got a big bruise that you can’t see on my leg from this guy called Sam I was trying to sledge away from the ball and got hit. But tonight feels good!

Are you going inside tonight or are you just on the red carpet?
Look being on the red carpet is baby steps to getting inside. I'm going to try to get in. It's all confidence you know.

Just do the walk.
The walk, strut and wink? That's what I'm going to try and do.

Yeah. Or you could pretend to be a cricketer’s wife. Can we get a photo?
Yeah! [We take a photo] Was that one hot? Maybe do an animal one? Grrrrr

What's your name?
[To her camera crew] Stop rolling for a second!

What it took to make this article happen

Follow Karl on Twitter: @karlhenkell