Do ya’ll pine for tweendom? I totally do. Last week, I was at my parents' house and I found this little red plastic handbag I had when I was 12, all sparkly and everything. I was all like, "Oh shit, this bag’s never seen a condom wrapper or a cigarette lighter in its life,” and I looked at the inside pocket and there weren’t even any tobacco grains in there. Cute! Instead, everything was saturated with sticky fruit-scented lip-gloss, glooping like beauty-queen spit globs. It made me feel really nostalgic, in a baker-boy-cap-and-matching-knee-socks kind of way. I think it’s time to admit I kind of miss make-up that smells and tastes like a candy tampon. So for week one, let's bring sexy back, in the way only a 12-year-old virgin can. Delicious.Read the rest of Bertie's treatise on virginal lip-liner at ViceStyle.com.