Conspiracy News: Osama Not Buried at Sea!

I do my best to keep abreast of the latest conspiracy dramas. After all, if I don't listen to the paranoid voices living in the internet, who will?

Today's breaking news comes from the acceptable face of conspiracy, WikiLeaks. Remember Osama bin Laden? Of course you do; he was the first domino in that Illuminati spring cleaning that also claimed Brother Gaddafi and Brother Jong-il. Well, remember when the government rather bizarrely claimed that they'd thrown Osama's body into the sea? No one on the internet believed that at the time, and they're all still looking for reasons to doubt.

WikiLeaks has just published trillions of boring emails stolen by Anonymous from Stratfor, an American security agency. Some of these are being held up as proof that Osama bin Laden's corpse wasn't thrown into the sea, but that it was in fact taken by the CIA to a military base in Dover, Delaware.

Here's a conversation between Fred Burton, Stratfor’s vice-president for intelligence, and Stratfor CEO George Friedman:

That sounds like the kind of chat that literally everyone was having at that point, to be honest. Well, I might not have mentioned Eichmann, but I know I thought it was insane that the military didn't release a photo. Anyway, here are the emails that everyone's freaking out about:

"Body is Dover bound, should be here by now"!!!

Let me just say: Who cares? Do you expect the CIA to tell you what they do with corpses after they've created them? It's not like these emails are saying that it wasn't bin Laden at all, which is what the conspiracists like to claim. They're just saying that these sentimental old sods are hanging on to his corpse. Presumably they'll have it treated, stuffed, and hung in the Oval Office.

Anyway, that's the latest news from the paranoiasphere!

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