A Mexican American Child Sings the National Anthem, Racism Ensues

Photo by Nate Miller

A few days ago, I considered taking a week off from this column. I mean, there has to be at least one week where nothing blatantly, horribly racist happens, right? You’d think that some higher power would shine their love upon me and give me a reason to put my feet up and relax on Friday. Well, fuck me and fuck this horrible world.

Instead of lounging on a beach “maxin’ and relaxin’” as I had planned, my friends at the @YesYoureRacist Twitter account and I will yet again be ranking news stories on a scale of 1 to RACIST, with “1” being the least racist and “RACIST” being the most racist.

- Ten-year-old Sebastion De La Cruz is a mariachi singer of some repute. Such a precocious young tyke should warm the heart of any normal human being. He’s so small, but he’s also doing a grown-up thing! It’s cute, plus hilarious. Well, some people thought it wasn’t so “LOL-worthy.”

The Spurs brought the kid back for last night's Game 4 too, as a big "fuck you" to the above people, but I wonder, could this have been avoided? Maybe if he had avoided traditional mariachi garb and worn, let’s say, a tank top and some tasteful jorts, it wouldn’t have been so much of a problem. People who dress differently than I do are constantly throwing me off. Like, dashikis, turbans, and Crocs just make my head spin. How could these weirdos with funny clothes even be close to American?

By the way, this kid is American. As in, he was born in the USA. Oh shit. That’s RACIST.

- A 911 operator in Dallas, Texas, lost her job last week after posting a string of racist statements on her Facebook page. “I can count on 1 hand the black people I know who don’t have shit for brains!!!” wrote 23-year-old April Sims. “Black people are outrageous!” she wrote in another post. “They are more like animals, they never know how to act … Always causing problems.” When one of April’s Facebook friends asked her what her boss would think about the posts, the young lady got defensive. “I stand by every word I said,” she responded. “And do not apologize. The end.” RACIST

Photo via Flickr User GageSkidmore

- The Washington Redskins, the NFL team some mushy-brained liberal media types refuse to call by name as some sort of half-hearted protest, has hired Republican pollster Frank Luntz (pictured above) to organize a series of focus groups to see how the American public really feels about their racially insensitive nickname.

I guess Redskins owner Daniel Snyder isn’t worried about how it looks to the media that he’s hired a Republican pollster to help justify his team having a racist nickname, and why should he? It’s not like the majority of football fans are into stuff like “reading,” “current events,” or “politics.” They just want to watch 300-pound men smash into each other every five minutes. Chances are, the fans Luntz polls will tell him exactly what he wants to hear, that the name is not offensive and they’re “ready for some football.” Thanks to centuries of racist policies and neglect, the US government has decimated the Native American population anyway—they're so uncommon the team might as well be called the “Washington Klingons” for all the relevance it has to most fans' lives. They wouldn't know a Native American unless he was wearing face paint and shooting arrows at them.

This name will never change, but it especially won’t if the press refuses to use the fucking name in stories. Explain to people why this shit is unacceptable. Don’t think you’re doing anyone a favor by not saying “Redskins” when talking about this horrible situation. I’m giving Daniel Snyder and Frank Luntz a 7 for being so goddamn insensitive, and I'm giving the media organizations who refuse to print the word a very disapproving side glance.

- The first national study to evaluate marijuana arrest rates by race found that even though marijuana use is relatively constant across racial lines, African-Americans are nearly four times more likely to be arrested for marijuana use than whites. According to the ACLU report, the racial disparity of marijuana arrests increased from 2001 to 2010. Enforcing marijuana laws costs states more than $3.6 billion every year, not to mention the income lost by the people who are targeted by these laws and end up in prison or lose their jobs as a result. There’s no joke here, that’s just fucked up. 9

Photo via Flickr User GageSkidmore

- Ann Coulter receives this week’s Ann Coulter Award for Excellence in Racism for stating that if the Republican Party supports sensible immigration reform it “deserves to die” as an organization.

Never mind that notion that Hispanics are a growing voting bloc and that any political party in this country should hope to govern the entire nation, rather than whatever demographics seem most appealing to them. The thought of making immigration a less complicated process, or giving illegals a path to citizenship is so repugnant to Ann Coulter that she’d rather destroy one of two major political parties in the United States.

To really drive the point that Hispanics are an irrelevant group of interlopers, Coulter writes:

The sleeping giant of the last election wasn't Hispanics; it was elderly black women terrified of media claims that Republicans were trying to suppress the black vote and determined to keep the first African American president in the White House.

Leave it to Ann Coulter to never get tired of trying to find reasons that Barack Obama won the 2012 election that aren’t “more people preferred him to Mitt Romney.” There has to be some magic bullet, like Hurricane Sandy, or black people being afraid, or Obama putting mind control drugs in the water supply like a fucking Batman villain. Ann Coulter telling the GOP that they should ignore a large cross-section of American voters is no different than her chastising Democrats for not appealing more to rural voters. Like, I'm not going to tell Ann Coulter she should wear fewer plaid patterned clothes and drink less. It's just all ridiculously hypocritical. 8

@YesYoureRacist’s Ten Most Racist Retweets of the Week [all grammar sic'd]:

10. @rednek4x4: If u think Obama is the best thing America's ever had ur just like that ni**er. Go back to shitty land and put ur rag back on

9. @kristananana: If Asians are so smart why do they suck at driving? #NotRacist#ButTrue#SoFrustrating

8. @theheeldeal: i'm not racist, but i'm all for segregated movie theaters #stfu

7. @ayeebarraza: I'm not racist but my heart starts beating faster when a black person approaches me at an ATM.

6. @poxypalin13: I'm not racist, but if you start chanting your foreign beliefs in the cubicle next to us again I'm poking your eye out!

5. @stoeeej: Im not racist but I make fun of everybody whos not white or is jewish.

4. @gskibos: Im not a racist but today i hate puerto ricans.

3. @koreananchjo: Damn there is ALOT of black people and the school I'm going to is 40% black. I'm not racist but that's just too much.

2. @patarnull: I'm not racist but we have to kick all the pakis out of England before its too late

1. @pancake_kevin: the reason everyone's internet is acting all retarded is cause of the fucking government and that ni**er obama watching everything we do

Last Week in Racism: This Week in Reverse Racism

@dave_schilling