Hate Your Kids?

Ever try raisin’ a kid? Let’s just say it’s not exactly a blast. Even the most well-behaved and Christ-loving child can be a handful sometimes. Shit, what if you had three of them? What if one of them had ADHD (attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder) like Lisa Welchel’s kids? Well, I guess you’d just say “Fuck this,” break out the sweatpants and make those screaming terrors watch cartoons all day.

Wraaaaaawwwng!

In the center of the storm we call “raising a family,” an unlikely hero has arisen. Not only is she ready to deal with every kind of kid crisis imaginable, she’s also got a heaping tablespoon of Jesus Christ to make it go down all smooth and creamy. That’s right, Blair from the hit TV series Facts of Life (also known as “Blaiw” to her handicapped cousin Geri Tyler, played by cerebral palsy-afflicted comedienne Geri Jewel) has come out from under the wing of Mrs. Garrett to bring us a most unorthodox way of teaching kids. It’s called “Creative Correction” and it involves using the Son of God, home schooling and a whole lotta love dealt with a soft but proverb-heavy hand.

“I have found that I learn the most about child-rearing by talking with a fellow mom over a cup of tea as we share our struggles,” says Lisa from her sunny home in Van Nuys, Calif., where she’s married to an associate pastor named Steve. “It is from this viewpoint that I offer my insights on such topics as sibling conflict, respect, failure, reaching the heart, and discipline.” That, and a little help from the guy upstairs!!! Lisa has a bible quote for practically every Mom conflict you can imagine. Hey! Did some “cool kid” (note the quotes) say “Fuck off, squirt” to your son? Instead of busting out the knuckle sandwiches, why don’t you bust out Timothy 4:12: “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young.”

Lisa isn’t pretending that her kids are perfect. If you do drugs or used to be a gay, Creative Correction isn’t going to ostrichsize you. Like the Bible, this book (yes, it’s a book, too) is for everyone. “My purpose in writing Creative Correction is to give parents hope, not a guilt complex,” she says glowingly. “Whether a parent is facing a fork in the road, a dead end, or is completely lost, I encourage them not to give up.”

Lisa’s philosophy is a lot of things. It is outstanding and excellent and controversial and exciting but, beneath the fog, Creative Correction is, more than anything…it’s a lot of fun.