Black Power 3

BLACK POWER 3

Evilangel.com

Dir: Joey Silvera

Rating: 10

I’ve always dreamed of having Black Power because I think it would be awesome to be able to dunk a basketball. When I was younger I could touch the rim but now I’m fat and old and I doubt I could even touch the net. Have you ever seen NBA mascots jump on the trampoline and then dunk? That seems scary to me. My favorite

is when a team doesn’t have a name that lends itself to any sort of mascot and so they just put a jersey on a guy in a wolf costume and tell him to get out there. The San Antonio Spurs, Utah Jazz, and New Jersey Nets all have wolves and foxes and dogs in basketball jerseys running around. WTF is that? I always thought that the Nets should have a guy running around covered in a fishing net with all kinds of trash and toxic waste and human parts attached to it. I think that would be funny and send an important environmental message to the kids at the game: Throw back anything you catch in Jersey waters.

I also think having an Afro would be cool. I once had a flat top, but that was the 80s. It was a different time. We didn’t know any better. We didn’t even have televisions back then, at least not flat ones. Our TVs were massive and any man who stole a TV back then earned it. Not like the TV thieves of this generation who can fit five or seven TVs under one arm. It’s not the same. I tip my hat to the old-school TV thieves—they did it with style and it meant something. What, I’m not sure. Black Power? Maybe. Maybe not.

Maybe this DVD sends mixed messages to our youth. On the front it says: “Black Power, Don’t Fight It!” Excuse me, but it was my understanding that I was supposed to be fighting the power. That’s what Chuck D said. So which is it? What should I be doing on my weekends, holidays, and days off from work? Fighting the power? Or not fighting the power? As a nonblack man wishing to be more black in 2008, it is rather confusing and begs for clarification. I mean, shit, if Obama is going to be our next president then I think it’s important to clear this up quickly. I’d hate to bump into him at a bar and be all, “Oh shit! Obama! Hey man, I’ve totally been fighting the power,” only to have him tell me, “We don’t do that no mo’.” It’s like when the Crank Squad told me, “We don’t Superman no mo’, we just Spiderman that hoe.” Meanwhile I’m out there Supermanning like it’s nobody’s business. No one told me anything. What I suggest is some kind of email list where these important changes in policies can be made known in a quick and timely fashion so that we’re all on the same page. But please, can we start using the BCC function? I hate seeing 300 email addresses on a mass email. You look at it and you can’t help but think, “Fucking rookie.”

For more of Chris go to chrisnieratko.com or NJSkateshop.com.