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Carmen Electra's pik is groter dan de jouwe

Ze zingt, en heeft een nieuwe single uit die wel eens de Call Me Maybe van 2013 zou kunnen worden.

We weten dat het pas mei is en dat je eigenlijk drie goede voorbeelden van iets nodig hebt voordat je het echt een trend kunt noemen, maar we hebben een trend gewatched. De zomer van 2013 gaat namelijk de zomer worden van keiharde kruispop. Dit wil niet zeggen dat er allemaal christelijke bands je festivals komen verpesten, maar eerder dat er opvallend veel muziek gemaakt wordt waarin de genitalia van zowel de man als de vrouw een prominente rol spelen.

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Brooke Candy opende de knallende kutjeszomer met Pussy Make The Rules. De volgende in de rij is Carmen Electra. Waar ken je haar ook alweer van? Nou, dat ligt een beetje aan je geboortejaar. De allerjongsten zullen haar kennen van MTV en realityseries. De iets ouderen zullen vooral kennen van stoute zoektermen tijdens het zoeken naar pikante google thumbnails op de gedeelde familiecomputer. Ben je nog iets ouder, dan heb je haar misschien wel tijdens je stoere bandshirtsperiode die mini-postertjes in de Large-catalogus zien sieren. Handig, want als je moeder die onder je bed vond kon je haar meteen overhalen om een handige Metallica Mini-asbak met licht en geluid te bestellen. De veteranen des levens kennen haar van Baywatch.

Hoe dan ook: het is een lekker wijf. Dat lekkere wijf maakt nu ook muziek en haar eerste single heet Bigger Dick. Het klinkt al seen pril huwelijk tussen de Spice Girls en die chick van Short Dick Man.

Je kan hem hier beluisteren op een Soundcloud-player die met een beetje fantasie op een dick lijkt (hij wijst een beetje naar rechts en is voorzien van een nogal merkwaardig gepositioneerde cockring):

Onze collega van Noisey US sprak met Carmen:

Noisey: Just to clarify, when you sing “I’ve got a bigger dick than you,” you’re not speaking literally, right?
Carmen Electra: No… It was inspired from women, including my dancers and my niece (who was kind of going through something with her husband), and it was inspired by being, I guess, in a relationship where you wear the pants. [Laughs] And I just know so many women who aren’t being treated right. And that isn’t my complete experience in the past, but I had one just recently, and that one was on my mind. And we just came up with the loudest way to get that across.

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So having a bigger dick represents girl power and strength.
Exactly.

Isn’t that a bit sexist and phallocentric, though, to measure superiority by dick size? Why can’t it be “I’ve got a bigger clit than you?”
[Laughs] Awesome! You’re such a cutie. You have a point.

How likely do you think this song is to become a drag-queen anthem?
Oh, definitely! I mean, I can see it going in that direction, for sure. And that would be awesome. I would love it.

I found the timing of this single to be pretty appropriate, seeing as how there was a study released last month in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science that proved that size actually does matter.
Oh. Huh. Very interesting.

Do you have any personal opinions on that?
[Laughs] You know, people often ask me what the perfect date would be, and I literally go blank because I think that if you’re with the right person, it doesn’t matter. I really feel that way. So, that being said… I also feel that way about the size. I mean, if you’re with someone that makes you feel really good and happy and brings something to your life and who you’re attracted to and head over heels for, I think there’s so many other things.

There’s a clean version of “Bigger Dick” called “Bigger Stick.” How involved were you in the process of cleaning up the song?
To be honest, I was actually really torn between coming out with such a bold way of saying it and, originally, I wanted to kind of pull back a little and just go with “Bigger Stick.” [Laughs] I’m talking so seriously about something so silly! But, no. Truthfully, I felt really nervous about coming out in such a bold way. And not everyone knows what’s behind it, so I think people can interpret it in many different ways. I did have a moment of “Is this the right thing? Is this the right choice?”

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I thought that “dick” was a pretty innocent word, so to see it censored as “Bigger D*ck” or “Bigger (Expletive)” kind of surprised me.
I love how you think! You’re bold. These are things that I go back and forth with with myself, and I know the answer, but it’s… go for it! If you’re going to do it, you’ve got to go there. So I’m taking your word.

How do you clean up a line like “I’ll be on my shit, make you come so quick,” without robbing it of all meaning?
Yeah. I felt more comfortable about those lines. And obviously you have to replace a lot of curse words, but that wasn’t an issue at all. It was just, you know, I think just coming from the world that I’ve been in, you get censored down a lot, and so this is a big step for me to put this out. Based on the acting and other things that I’ve done throughout my career, it’s pretty bold. But after the White Party in Palm Springs, I feel good about putting it out.

I heard that the reaction to your performance of “Bigger Dick” at the White Party was absolutely insane.
You did?! Oh, I love it!

One review said that you upstaged Carly Rae Jepsen.
Oh my god.

Given that reaction, do you think that “Bigger Dick” has the potential to be the “Call Me Maybe” of the summer of 2013?
[Laughs] That would be amazing.

I would love for “Bigger Stick” to take over the airwaves.
Oh, you’re so sweet. Just to hear that alone just feels like such an accomplishment. I’ve performed a lot in my past, but it was under someone else, opening up for Prince or performing with the Pussycat Dolls. It’s a scary thing when you’re restarting and when you’re out there. So the White Party was the first big show that I’ve had that was just my name, and it was kind of emotional for me, because there was so much love there. And so to hear that, I’m taking it all the way in.