The author at the time.All pictures courtesy of the author.
This article originally appeared on VICE France
I still Skype with "Bowie" from time to time. Seeing her still moves me, almost as much as it did that very first night we met. If I'm honest, I don't think we'll ever stop being interested in each other.
I first met her in a bar in Strasbourg, five years ago. It was my housemate Caroline's birthday. Our small group sat drinking pint after pint, when a dark figure came and stood right in front of us.
At first, I wasn't sure if it was a man or a woman. But then she turned around and her green eyes hit me. She looked like David Bowie – tall, slim, bony. So that's what I called her.
We started talking and it struck me how childish and broken her voice was. There was a fragility about her, which was quite at odds with her long frame. We exchanged numbers and agreed to have a drink the following day. On my way home, I couldn't stop thinking about her.
The next night, she told me about her life. Her mum had been in a psychiatric hospital for a long time and she didn't get on with her father. Thinking that there aren't many people she can count on, I immediately felt protective. Less than an hour later, we decided to go home together.
That first night in bed was like nothing I'd ever experienced. She was powerful and androgynous. At one point she held me by the neck and whispered, pretending to be a man. For the next few months we were inseparable.
It didn't take long for Bowie to confess that she wanted to sleep with a woman. I know plenty of people who fantasise about threesomes (64 percent of men and 31 percent of women in France according to an IFOP survey) but it's never been the case for me. Still, I suggested Hermine – we used to sleep together in the past and we're still great friends. I hooked them up with each other on Facebook and they both seemed sufficiently into the idea.
64 percent of men and 31 percent of women in France fantasise about threesomes, but it's never been the case for me
One night, I am lying in bed when Bowie calls and suggests that I invite Hermine over too. They both end up at my place but it's awkward and the two women barely touch each other.
It's not until a week later, that I realise how much actually changed that night. The three of us are at Hermine's place, but both of them are quiet. I fall asleep and wake up a few hours later to discover the two sleeping together, enlaced on the couch. The image is beautiful but I feel jealous. I leave to go to a family lunch and when I try and get hold of Bowie later, she won't reply.
She doesn't get back to me for another four days, after which she calls to tell me that her and Hermine are now a couple. They have even moved in together. I have just lost my girlfriend and my best friend.
A few months later, I bump into Hermine and Bowie in a lesbian bar in town. Hermine tries to say hi but I ignore both of them. "Good night cunts," I say when they pass by me on their way out. I can't believe what has come out of my mouth and I vow that's the last time I act like this way.
The author with his girlfriend and his girlfriend's girlfriend.
That was the day I dialled the number of my therapist for the first time in five years. I used to talk to her about problems with my family, but this time I was going to her with a very different set of issues. After a few weeks in therapy, I came to realise that my feelings towards Bowie were not love but fascination.
In time, the three of us managed to salvage our relationship. I went from being their lover to their confidant. Hermine, for example, would call me up to moan about having to share her apartment – she loved having a space of her own.
In June this year, we all went to my parents' country house for three days. We had an amazing time and our relationship felt more lucid and truthful than ever. In many ways it felt like honesty had brought us closer together. Then in July, Bowie left for a few days to go visit her ex in Brittany and never came back. Hermine was devastated and, even though I didn't tell her, I was too.
Months have passed and I have no regrets. Bowie and Hermine still talk occasionally, but it's a toxic rollercoaster; Bringing multiple partners into your relationship will inevitably bring a concoction of emotions, which veer from hatred to elation. For me, being in a relationship with two women was complicated, dangerous, fascinating territory into which I'm not sure I should have ever wandered.