The Queensland floods have been extremely fucking crazy. On top of the widespread devastation and tragic losses, there's also a weird sense of bewilderment you get when a huge natural disaster occurs in your backyard. We're still waiting for phones and electricity to return to normal (when we can actually give you some firsthand accounts) but in the meantime, here are some of the more astonishing stories to arise this week.
SHARKS IN IPSWICH
There have been unconfirmed reports of bullsharks swimming up the main street of Ipswich, a suburb of Brisbane some 60 fucking kilometers from the coast. Experts are guessing they're probably babies, as they're the only bullsharks able to survive in brackish water. Still, holy shit! And that's without even mentioning crocodiles and snakes.
CARS FUCKING FLOAT
As we've seen over and over again this week, flood water can blast cars down the street like leaves off of a driveway.
WE HAVE LOOTERS
Some residents in flood zones are disobeying evacuation orders in order to stay and guard their properties from looters. A handful of people are currently under arrest for separate incidents including the attempted theft of boats on the Brisbane river, and alcohol from sandbagged pubs. (Again, I don't mean to be an asshole, but both of those items are things you might be tempted to obtain in a flood). It's yet to be seen whether anyone's cunty enough to steal from evacuated homes.
THE (SEMI) SILVER LINING
Queenslanders unable to get to work (and presumably students all over the country) can now ease some of their pain with this simple drinking game. Basically, you tune into Channel 9's 'round the clock flood coverage and take a drink everytime someone says words like 'inundated' or 'evacuated'. The game already has nearly 20,000 fans on facebook, which raises yet another concern…
THE SILVER LINING WILL PROBABLY RUN OUT SOON
To be fair, most of this article is about food, but it has to be said, a fair portion is still dedicated to the possibility of the state running out of beer. To that, we say: rightly so.