A Nice, Thick, Uncut 12-inch Shroom

BY HAMILTON MORRIS

PHOTOS BY MAGGIE LEE

Photo by John W. Allen

There is a mythical shroom that is unlike any other shroom. For, you see, this mushroom looks like a penis—not just a little bit like a penis, as many mushrooms do, but exactly like a penis. Perhaps you’ve heard of it? And although mushrooms usually spring forth from the earth as if from the toes of the gods, the penis mushroom is about as natural as a cocker spaniel. In other words, it’s totally man-made and if it were ever placed in the wild it would die instantly.

So what is this magic little cock-looking guy all about? Where did it come from? Who made it? I recently sought to answer these questions and was met with a dizzying world of magic, lies, and unsolved murder. And I was tripping balls the whole time, too.

The author, stoned on penis mushrooms.

High Times

A friend of the author, similarly stoned on penis mushrooms.

Another friend of the author, who was supposed to eat penis mushrooms with him but chickened out at the last minute.

redeveloped

I must write in great belches, not to trickle nor too sticky, I communicate in a binary language of yawns and vomits: yawn, vomit, vomit, vomit, yawn, yawn, vomit, vomit, vomit, vomit, vomit, vomit, yawn

PF TEK

PF TEK

Tripping balls on the magic penis.

PF TEK