Hey Ron! - I am not a game master

Oh man. This week’s column is a dirty one involving a young man who can’t seem to please his lady friend. You’d have to be one giant stinking idiot to abstain from this smoking installment of Ron’s weekly dose of keeping it real.

Hey Ron!

I've been dating a girl for about three months now and I've got a little problem. I like her a lot, and I'm pretty sure she likes me a lot, but for the life of me I can't make her orgasm. I've never had this problem before, but you seem to do well with the ladies. How do I satisfy her?

It depends on how old you are. Between the ages of 18 and 25 you’re basically spittin’ out water anyway, so don’t put too much effort in trying to blow her brains out when you don’t have anything to blow her brains out with. Learn to master your game before you can master hers.

The object is to know what she likes and dislikes—not can you come or not, or your size. Size matters, but it doesn’t always help. You can be big, but if you last two minutes it ain’t going to happen. If you’re a little smaller but you put in twice as much work, she’s going to be a lot more gratified. What you really need to worry about is what you’re doing wrong, not all the things you’re doing right. If you’re not making it happen… bring a buddy.

To be honest I’m at a loss with this one because I never really had those issues growing up. I dealt with real women from the beginning. My first experience—well I’m not going to give you the details of my first because I was really, really, really young (she was around 13 and I was like 6 or 7). That doesn’t count because I could barely hold it and pee at the same time.

The next time it happened was when I was 13 and she was 19. Her name was Penny—a slim Spanish girl who was bad. It could pretty much be considered rape. But what guy would call that rape? You’d have to be pretty gay to have a grown woman at that age and say it was a crime. Don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t one of those weirdo schoolteacher-student situations—it was a grown woman who lived in my building. It was my 13th birthday, and that was my gift.

Since then, I always dealt with older women because they’re always more experienced. They’ll teach you a thing or two. That’s the best advice I can give.
Love,

Ron

(Email your quandaries for Ron here, and put Hey Ron! in the subject line.)