What's With All the Food-Related Crime in Canada?

Breakfast Assault

In a crime that sounds like it came out of Florida rather than a small city in Ontario, a teenager managed to assault a dude in a restaurant using his breakfast. According to witnesses at a restaurant in Hamilton, the breakfast in question was an order of bacon and eggs, which the teen grabbed in his hands and used to strike a 29-year-old man in the face who was sitting in the same group as him at a table. It's unclear what provoked the attack, though the 19-year-old who used his breakfast as a weapon was described by witnesses as "agitated" during the attack. After having bacon and eggs thrown in his face, police described the victim as disoriented due to an injury. He was then sent to the hospital. While we've probably considered throwing our brunch in a friend's face while in the grips of a regret-filled hangover on a weekend, this particular crime—committed on a Tuesday no less—has taught us that even food can be considered a weapon. The teen who smacked a dude in the face with his breakfast has been arrested and charged with assault with a (greasy) weapon.

Your Pizza in 40 Minutes or Less or You Can Rob Us

As if being a pizza delivery person didn't suck enough already, apparently in Saskatoon it makes you the target of violent robbery. Over the course of last weekend, four separate drivers were approached by a pair of thieves with their faces covered who were reportedly armed with some combination of the following in each situation: a baseball bat, a pipe wrench, a tire iron, and a steel rod. Though only one driver reported being assaulted—with a bat—all of them were threatened with physical violence. Oddly enough, when the criminals approached the drivers, they only requested they hand over cash, not any of their (likely/possibly/maybe not) delicious pizzas. The suspects were described by victims as being between 18 and 20 years old. By the time of the fourth robbery in the early hours of Monday morning, cops in Saskatoon had attempted to use a K-9 unit to find the pair of thieves. The criminals have still not been found by police.

Beef Fiends

In Perth County, Ontario—which encompasses local piece of meat Justin Bieber's hometown, Stratford—over €3,300 worth of meat products were stolen Sunday evening. Thieves broke into a butcher shop at around 11:30 PM taking a combination of burgers, hams, wild boar sausage, beef roasts, and ten boxes of pepperettes. Following this, they apparently decided to take the butcher shop's delivery van for a ride and ditch it about ten kilometres away next to a country club where cops discovered it with the majority of the meat gone. Police have yet to catch the meat-hungry criminals. Follow Allison Elkin on Twitter.