The best thing about buying Hitler dolls and figurines is the weird disclaimers the companies make so nobody thinks they're racist. Inthepasttoys.com made these guys and they want you to know that "these dolls are meant to be used for historical reference." Our favorite however is Kingandcountry.com, whose Third Reich models are, "A warning in miniature" despite disturbingly reverent box copy like, "Their reputation for bravery and daring was second to none. Unfortunately their fanaticism led to several major atrocities that mar an otherwise excellent military record." HIGH WINE
OK, it's not like the stereotype is unfounded. After all, the statistic is 100% of Native Americans have a family member that has a serious problem with alcohol. But making it the logo of the strongest booze in South America is a bit rich. That's like calling a toothpaste Darkie or a toilet brush Black Man or house cleaning soap Hispanic (oh shit, they did). KKK KNIFE
This may be a funny thing to open your mail with at work but DO NOT take it home! You will invariably forget it is in your pocket, then you'll go to a strip club where the black bouncer will make you empty your pockets into that plastic dish next to the metal detector and then you're left trying to explain postmodern race irony to a guy that grew up in his friend's garage. SS CD CASE
We get it. You're a Nazi. What else do you have, SS socks and underwear? Jesus Christ take it easy. You're like the Pee-Wee Herman of racism. RAPE DETTERENT
Back in college we were taught that rape has more to do with assault than sex and half the time he doesn't have a boner, but come on. Are you telling me some overwhelming wafts of dead man barf shit isn't going to turn the guy off a bit? How can this shit not work? HOREHOUND
Yo! This goes out to that phase guys go through from about 23 to 27 when, after fucking for a few years and finally getting it right, they go on a whore bender. That means hanging out in shitty bars where you don't know anyone and working on blue-collar trash who chews gum real loud and would get fake tits if she could afford it. Then, after about four years of being a "whore hound" they wash their dicks off and come back to the girl next door they always loved. HISPANIC SOAP
When you see cleaning products named after blacks and Hispanics you think to yourself, "How fucking behind are these countries? Like, we might have done that 50 or 60 years ago. What is the matter with them? Don't they have the internet?" And then it hits you, "Oh, the countries that market these products are just really fucking stupid and poor." PAKY TAKY
The best parts of East Indians are those tiny pieces of rebellion they manage to squeeze under the fascist parent wire. Sure, Rajiv will be forced to wear slacks, dress shoes and a tie to school every day, but he managed to get a Dr. Dre The Chronic baseball hat and an Ecko sweater into the mix. And then the girls trick their mothers into thinking they got a nose ring because it's traditional (ha ha mom, it's punk here you stupid bitch). At first glance it looks kind of tacky but then you realize it's so uncool it's cool.
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