The Hangover News

UK
A GUY SWAM IN FRONT OF SOME BOATS
Trenton Oldfield hates the elite so he much he almost let them decapitate him on live TV

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A guy named Trenton Oldfield protested against capitalism by swimming in front of some boats rowed by rich people on Saturday. The 35-year-old campaigner for a cause no one's quite sure of yet swam out in front of rowers from Oxford and Cambridge universities and smiled as he was almost decapitated on live TV. Oldfield was fetched out of the water by police, who have charged him under section 5 of the Public Order Act for disrupting the annual Oxbridge boat race and enraging posh people everywhere. Oxford rower William Zeng used Twitter to complain. "When I missed your head with my blade I knew only that you were a swimmer, and if you say you are a protester then no matter what you say your cause may be, your action speaks too loudly for me to hear you," said Zeng. "I know, with immediate emotion, exactly what you were protesting," he continued. "You were protesting the right of 17 young men and one woman to compete fairly and honourably to demonstrate their hard work and desire in a proud tradition. "You, who would make a mockery of their dedication and their courage, are a mockery of a man." Zeng lost the race, which had to be restarted after Oldfield's stunt, and then plumbed new levels of pointlessness when a clash between the two crews' oars left Oxford a rower short and Cambridge cruising to inevitable victory. Oldfield runs his own blog called Elitism Leads To Tyranny. He's used it to suggest that the Boat Race is merely a device for the members of the elite to "reboot their shared culture together in the public realm", and urge other people to take part in tiny acts of civil inconvenience against "the elite and elite sympathisers", such as:

Oldfield himself was at private school till he was 16, but left because he "couldn't stand the elitism". He also earned an MSc in contemporary urbanism from the London School of Economics, but defended his actions by stating that: "Having been deep within elite institutions I have a very good understanding of them. I protest their injustices – ask anyone that knows me." He compared himself to Emily Davison, the suffragette who died after throwing herself in front of the King's racehorse in 1913. Most people thought he was more like Johnny Marbles, that guy who threw a cake in Rupert Murdoch's face. The people who are organising this year's London Olympics are pretty annoyed, because it highlights how easy it might be for someone to shit all over their plans. The founder of a campaign group called Our Olympics backed Oldfield's protest, and said that they were planning similar stunts for this summer's Games. Wanna find out what else happened while you were busy drowning your ego in alcohol this weekend? Go to page two.

World
IS ROBERT MUGABE GONNA DIE SOON?
He missed a meeting and now people think he might be about to die

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There are lots of rumours going around that Robert Mugabe might die soon because he missed another cabinet meeting. The President of Zimbabwe's 88 and is apparently in Singapore helping his daughter get into university there. But opposition media in Zimbabwe seem to think that this is a flimsy excuse, and think that he might be on the verge of succumbing to the cancer that a WikiLeaks cable said he had contracted in 2008. UK
IS THERE A HAMPSHIRE RIPPER?
A body was found in a bin in Southampton's red light district

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Three men and a woman have been arrested after police found a dead body in a bin in Southampton's red light district. The guys are 28, 25 and 31, the woman's 20 and they're all local. Firefighters were alerted to the blaze at around 3.10AM on Sunday morning. Police aren't currently able to tell whether the body is male or female because the burns are too bad :( Hopefully there's no Hampshire Ripper. Technology
MARK ZUCKERBERG BOUGHT INSTAGRAM FOR A BILLION DOLLARS
I wish he'd buy something I made for a billion dollars

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Instagram will soon be owned by Facebook. Facebook owner Mark Zuckerberg has agreed to pay a billion dollars for the photo-sharing site/service, which is now being used by more than 30 million people after starting up two years ago. The deal has been seen as an attempt by Facebook to make sure that it remains the king of photos on the internet. I don't know what else to say about this, but the Mail found a way to make it sexy. UK
THE POLICE MIGHT BE FIRING CHEMICAL WEAPONS AT RIOTERS SOON
So maybe just bear that in mind if you ever wanna go for a riot

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The police will probably soon be using chemical irritants that you can fire out of guns to stop people rioting. The Home Office have been developing the Discriminating Irritant Projectile – or "Dip" – for a while now, and it's almost finished. Apparently they got a lot of good ideas for new weapons from trying to figure out how to stop last year's rioting and looting. They're also developing something called "skunk oil", which the police would fire out of paintball guns. "Such would be the smell that individuals hit by the pellets would want to go home to change their clothes, while associates would be reluctant to stay close to them," reports the Guardian. UrbEx
THIS GUY HAS BEEN CLIMBING THE SHARD TONNES
He does it on the regs without permission

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A 31-year-old guy named Bradley Garrett has claimed that he's been climbing up the Shard for the last three years. He's an urban explorer and he posts at Place Hacking – check it out to see more of his pictures. Sports
SOME PEOPLE DANCED THE CRUELLEST POZNAN OF ALL TIME
They were happy Arsenal fans

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On Sunday, Arsenal beat Man City 1-0, effectively ending the Manchester club's title challenge. The Arsenal fans responded to an 87th-minute winner from Mikel Arteta by dancing the Poznan as a taunt to the City fans, who had themselves stolen adopted the celebration as their own after seeing supporters of Polish side Lech Poznan doing it a couple of years back.