Beats And Rhymes

AUTHOR

: FRITZ LE CHAT

I’m writing this with two dollars to my name, minutes after smoking my last cigarette. Things are about to get pathetic. I’ll probably start digging through ashtrays soon. At least I still have a beer left. It’s times like these that bring back doing laundry in the bathtub and using dish-soap and stirring it with a stick. That’s when rap music sounds the best. When you’re drinking slow cuz it’s your last one. When you put your cigarette out halfway, to save some for later. When you’re crawling around on the floor looking for hash tokes you might have dropped.

Oh yeah, I’m supposed to be writing about rap music aren’t I? Writing record reviews is funny, ‘cause there’s some set format that people use, like I could review the Lexicon stuff like this:

“Hot off the indie success of recent singles from Tak & 4-Zone, and Styles of Beyond, LA upstart Spytech Records are gearing up for their first full-length release, Lexicon’s It’s the L. Having already established an underground following with college radio hits “NikeHead” and “It’s the L,” the duo of Nick Fury and Big Oak — backed by SOB’s DJ Cheapshot — have prepared a solid debut blah blah blah …”

But that would be some boring shit for like Urb or something. I’d rather do some shit like:

“Tech N9ne is fucking insane and his album is even more insane that he is. Look at his hair. You haven’t heard of him yet? He’s fucked, he’s like the best guy ever but the worst guy in the best way. Plus he’s E’d out all the time so his shit is fucked …”

‘Cause that’s what it sounds like when we talk about music and we’re all drunk and stoned. I guess VICE is all about that, the reviews are funny. Half the time they don’t even talk about the record, it’s just something like:

“Phoenix Orion: Secret Wars 9/10

I like Onions. Orion almost looks like Onion if you’re reading fast. I wonder if birds like Onions. I like them grilled on things, but not plain. Green onions are really good in scrambled eggs. This album won’t make you cry like Onions will.

—look at me I have a weird record reviewer name”

But this is my column, so I can do what I want. I can even diss people, like that guy who reviewed Kam’s album two issues back; what a clark. Kam would kick your ass for talking shit like that. Kamnesia is dope. Anyone who knows anything about rap would give Kam an automatic 10/10, just cuz he’s Kam. It’s like if Money B or Brother J dropped a new album. It’s automatic. Learn something. Go listen to Funkytown Pros or Low Profile.

Aiight, that’s enough out of me for today. The records listed below are either there because I like them or cuz they’re friends of mine, or both.

Send stuff to: Fritz the Cat, 650 Dupont St. Box 501, Toronto ON, M6G 4B1Canada. I don’t like CDs. I like VINYL. I like beer a lot too, and women, so send beer and women.

e-mail: fritzthacat@hotmail.com

e-mail list: fritzlechat1-subscribe@egroups.com

www.fritzlechat.com

TOP NINE (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER):

1 Lexicon: “It’s the L” (

spytechrecords.com

) 2 Tech N9ne: Anghellic (

jcorent.com

) 3 Phoenix Orion: Secret Wars (

atomcandy.com

) 4 Alien Nation: Earth Defenders (sci-phi records) 5Zest the Smoker: Junk II (

campcrypt.com

) 6V/A: A Piece of the Action (

daybydayent.com

) 7Kam: Kamnesia (

jcorent.com

) 8 DJ Z-Trip & DJ P: Uneasy Listening (promo) 9 Tigerfist: “Stargazing” feat. Takbir (

bilawnrecords.com

)