Revenge Porn Douche Cries to Google About Websites Publishing Unauthorised Images of Him

Revenge porn magnate Craig Brittain – a sixth former's first goatee beard cursed by a wizard to take an anguished corporeal form – has issued a demand to Google that any and all unauthorised images of him are removed from their search results after the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) took action against him and his revenge porn website, IsAnybodyDown? – a website that literally specialised in sharing unauthorised images of people and nothing else.

Brittain ran the IsAnybodyUp-clone IsAnybodyDown between December of 2011 and April of 2013, in which time he published both the private nudes and the Facebook contact details (and full names, addresses and phone numbers) of over 1,000 people. In an FTC settlement announced in January, Brittain was banned from sharing nude photos or videos of unconsenting adults and was told to delete all traces of any he had previously collected, because apparently he needed telling that by the Federal Trade Commission instead of his own conscious.

Anyway, in news that will make the entire concept of irony swallow its own tail, Brittain has issued a DMCA takedown to 23 websites for sharing "unauthorised use of photos of me and other related information", as well as "unauthorised use of statements and identity related information" and "using photos which are not 'fair use'," which, yes, again, was the exact modus operandi of the IsAnybodyDown website he ran that ruined so many people's lives.

So, basically, Craig Brittain wants to make it so you can't publish this image of him looking like he just got caught taking his stumpy dick out in public. Or this one, where he looks like something Guy Fieri turded into a portaloo and immediately Snapchatted to his doctor. Or this one, where he looks like someone dipped a thumb into a large, sad clump of hair:

He doesn't want those pictures published, online. On the internet.

Oh, or this one, where he looks like a teen weed overdose victim who nobody especially cried for because he smelled of sweat and lighter fluid and kept hanging around with kids two years below him at school.

Before you go: "Oh, go easy on Craig Brittain, he can't help the fact that he looks like an illustration in a medical text book under the title 'Ate So Much Greggs That His Cell Structure Changed'," recall please that the business model of IsAnybodyDown allowed those whose private information and pictures had been shared on the site to pay a £130-£190 fee to a "Takedown Lawyer" to have the offending content removed (although Brittain denies the connection).

Also, before you go, like, "Oh, come on, he doesn't look that much like he's repeatedly tried to have sex with a System of a Down CD," recall also that, when called out on his abhorrent behaviour, Brittain tried to repaint sharing people's unauthorised nudes as some progressive nudity destigmatisation campaign that the participants needed to get wise to, telling On the Media: "Most of these people aren't really upset that they're being seen naked. They're really upset that their boss might see or that a close friend or family member might see and that they might be judged. My point is eventually that employers will have to change their policies; friends and family members will have to change the way they look at people… These are not victims. These are people that have decided to publicly transmit their own information."

In case all this talk has got you thinking of BBMing a photo of your ex's groin around, revenge porn was made illegal in the UK in October, when a new Criminal Justice and Courts Bill amendment was pushed through to criminalise offenders who shared photos without consent on Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and via text.

In the US, a new revenge porn law was proposed this week by Congresswoman Jackie Speier that would dish out criminal penalties – the maximum including jail time – based on a case-by-case basis. It's not just a legal issue, though: a mere seven months after "The Fappening" happened, Reddit has this week moved to restrict all explicit content posted without the subject's consent. Although, quite how that will work (photo of a written contract uploaded to Imgur? Special upvote button that agrees to share images of you blowing someone?) from the suggested 10th of March enforcement date is unclear.

If anything, all of these creakingly slow revenge porn reactions prove that, if you invent a crime right now, it's going to take a good three years before the law catches up and makes it illegal. Shooting people through the heart with space lasers? Legal. Send someone one-way to Mars to die a slow and agonising death? Legal. Saying Craig Brittain looks like he got bullied at school for full-on tongue kissing his Action Man? Legal.

@joelgolby

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