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The Hangover News

Syria seemed close to toppling this weekend, but you were too hungover to notice.
23.7.12

World
IT SEEMS THAT THE SYRIAN REGIME MAY BE EXPECTING A COUP SOON
They've apparently spent the weekend broadcasting this message on State TV

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The Free Syrian Army and Bashar Assad's regime forces spent the weekend locked in fierce fighting in the capital city Damascus. The two sides also clashed in the northern city of Aleppo, as Assad resorted to the use of helicopter gunships, possibly out of fear that the rebels may be on the verge of attempting a coup. A message was apparently broadcast on loop on Syrian State TV on Sunday, warning viewers that "there is an attempt in the process to create a replica of the Syrian Satellite channel". Which sounds fairly plausible, but then they start saying stuff like the presenters on the replica channel might be the same as the ones on the official channel, and then you start thinking that maybe Assad is expecting some kind of definitive surge from the rebels soon. The 16-month-old conflict is increasingly one fought in Syria's towns and cities, as regime forces continue to defect to the rebel cause and refugees spill across Syria's borders to get away from the fighting. Crime
THAT MURDEROUS BATMAN NERD WILL APPEAR IN COURT TODAY
Police spent the weekend defusing home-made booby traps that James Holmes left in his flat

Annons

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James Holmes, the guy accused of killing 12 people and injuring 58 more when he opened fire at a screening of the new Batman film on Thursday, will appear in court today. It'll be the first time anyone will really be able to put a face to the name. Which should be thrilling. As I'm sure you know by now, Holmes was arrested by police in the car park of the Century 16 cinema in Aurora, Denver early Friday morning. The 24-year-old is accused of bursting into a midnight screening of The Dark Night Rises, hurling smoke grenades around and then blasting guns into the ensuing confusion. When he was captured by the police, apparently his hair had been died red and he referred to himself as "the Joker". After his arrest, police visited his home and found it loaded up with anticipatory booby-traps and home-made bombs, which they spent Saturday night exploding in the desert. His case is expected to take many months. Today's court appearance is to ascertain whether or not he can receive the death penalty and if he's sane enough to stand trial. In related news, President Barack Obama visited the families of the murdered victims and survivors of the shooting, while The Guardian seems to have found their own Samantha Brick, in the form of gun-toting, racoon-owning, Tea Party lesbian Tammy Bruce. Sport
A BRITISH MAN WON A FRENCH BIKE RACE
Bradley Wiggins became the first British champion of the Tour de France

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A mod with lambchop sideburns named Bradley Wiggins won the Tour de France this weekend. In doing so, he became the first man from Britain to accomplish the feat. The French, who viewed him suspiciously at first, have warmed to him and taken to calling him "Colonel Wiggo". Now he's gonna try to win the Olympics. Money
A GLOBAL ELITE IS STASHING £13 TRILLION AWAY FROM THE TAXMAN
Estimates of wealth held in offshore banks make my eyes bleed

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A guy named James Henry, who is an expert on tax havens, reckons that there exists a global super-rich elite that is hiding £13trillion from various taxmen. The money leaks out of countries and ends up in places like Switzerland and the Cayman Islands. These rich men are taking advantage of an "increasingly borderless, frictionless global economy".