You’ve all seen it, the roof with the 60-foot phallus painted on it, but do you want to know the full story behind what happened? We did too. So we sent along a reporter to get the lowdown from the most famous house hat of the year so far.

Vice: How are you feeling?
Roof: Relieved but, at the same time, pretty embarrassed, you know.

So what exactly happened?
Boy, I dunno if I should say…

Go on.
Well, basically, one night I was trying it on with a couple of the chimneys, if you know what I mean… LOL. Anyway, we had a couple of bottles of Cristal, mashed a bit of M-Dizzle and the next thing I remember is being awake with this painted all across my boat.

Oh no. How did you feel when you first noticed?
I was like, “What the fuck!? This DICKHEAD is a dead man walking, blud!!!” But then I realised I was the dickhead and it made me even more angry! I was gonna leak him up when we had a heavy storm but the fucking gap-year toff fucked off to Brazil and left me here to deal with it. It’s not on, you know.

Shit. What are you gonna do about it?
Well, you know, you gotta roll with it, innit. All publicity is good publicity – P Diddy taught me that. I’ve got the t-shirt range coming soon and I’ve hooked up a collabo with Banksy, so I’m bless.

Any final words?
Add me on Twitter – that’s the lick right now. Peace.

One love.