Hey, it’s that time of the week where we laugh at some butthurt cry-babies again!  

Cry-Baby #1: James Watson

(via)

The incident: A guy drunkenly passed out on a couch. When he woke up, he discovered someone had drawn dicks on his face. 

The appropriate response: Nothing. Them’s the rules.

The actual response: Dick-face went crazy and beat up the guy who drew on him. 

Last Saturday night, James Watson (pictured above), got drunk and fell asleep on the couch of his home in Lyon Village, Virginia.

At some point, one of his housemates drew several penises on his face with a permanent marker. 

Around 5AM, James woke up and, discovering the facial etchings, flew into a rage. He ran upstairs to where his housemate was sleeping and jumped on top of him, repeatedly punching him and causing “extensive injuries to his face”.

The housemate had to go to hospital, and James was arrested and charged with malicious wounding. 

American police officers often get a bad rep, but I would like to take this opportunity to publicly congratulate whoever it was that decided James shouldn’t be allowed to properly wash the dicks off his face before taking his mugshot. You are an American hero. 

Cry-Baby #2: Castle View School

(via Matt Tobin)

The incident: A schoolchild got hit in the face with a triangular flapjack during a food fight.

The appropriate response: The school disciplining the kid who threw it at him. 

The actual response: The school banned triangular flapjacks, claiming they were “too dangerous”.

During a food fight last week at the Castle View school in Canvey Island, Essex, a pupil was hit in the face with a triangular flapjack. Though the nature of his injuries are not specified in this news report, they were apparently serious enough to warrant sending him home for the rest of the day. 

The school held a review on “the shape and the texture of its flapjacks”, and decided that, in the interests of student safety, triangular flapjacks are now banned. All future flapjacks must be either rectangles or squares. 

I’m not an expert on geometry, but I feel that the flapjacks are probably more dangerous, now that they have four corners rather than three. 

Which one of these guyz is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in the poll below. Thank you for your time:

Who is the bigger cry-baby?

Previously: The drunk woman who hates trains vs. The drunk woman who doesn’t know what 911 is for

Winner: The train hater!!!

Follow Jamie on Twitter: @JLCT