This Poor Bastard Got His Dick Bitten by A Snake

I've never been bitten on the cock by a python before in my life, and to be honest with you, I really can't imagine anything worse. Actually no, I can: being bitten on the cock by a python while I'm trying to take a shit. Sat on the toilet, the only true safe space in the world, where you can perform your vulnerable human functions with nary a care in the world. The thought of a snake weaving its way through your cistern, covering itself in pissy water, only to hide in the underside of the bowl to launch an attack on your penile apparatus is a horror I can scarcely begin to comprehend.

One man forced to comprehend this god-awful scenario was Attaporn Boonmakchuay, who had a 10ft [3 metres] python chomp on his member in a squat toilet in Thailand. He reportedly lost a lot of blood in the ordeal, but is recovering well in hospital. "I felt as though my penis had been severed. The snake was yanking very hard," he told the Bangkok Post. He plans to replace his squat toilet with a proper one made of porcelain or something.

But as anyone who was into meme photos way back when would be familiar with, snakes like hiding in bogs. A quick Google image search of 'snakes hiding in toilets' returns galleries worth of heartbreakingly horrible images of reptiles in bog bowls. I think it's safe to say that getting my dick gnawed off by a rapid serpent while a dookie is sliding out of my arse is the most embarrassing and terrible thing that can happen to a person. My sympathies are with Mr. Attaporn, who will have to live with the fear until his dying breath.

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