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Wanna Buy Some Piece Of Shit Trainers For $600?

I know, it's a leading question. I've never had the time or the money to go to Brooklyn, but I imagine Julie Floersch is like the Brooklyn equivalent of all those terrible, wanker-packed bars like 'The Last Days Of Decadence' or 'Gilbert and Gorge' that have opened up on Shoreditch High Street in the last couple of years. Essentially, she's a young woman living in New York who stitches together bits of old cloth she's found. I'm aware you can boil anything down – like how penetrative sex is 'essentially' just one person putting themselves inside another, or how eating is 'essentially' just swallowing bits of other dead animals and plants in order to keep your own body alive – but then food or fucking never described themselves as "an artist who is interested in the transformative power of quilting".

Annons

Or as "modern day accessories for Ziggy Stardust", as her intolerably cutesy shop 'Kwilti' announces its stock over at Etsy.com.

"How much for these ones mate?"

"$600."

I'm not sure that photo really sells them to be honest, but luckily there's a blurb attached that explains how Julie didn't just make these out of some shoes her middle-class white friend was gonna throw in the bin, some of it actually came from real-life manual labourers, too. They also got that shitty looking naturally, by being worn in the street and stuff, as opposed to being bought new and then deliberately abused.

Treads the line between "chewed up by the dog" and "absolute fucking dog shit" if you ask me, though there's probably some guy rifling through our bins right now planning some similar con.

MAC HACKETT