It's time, once again, to despair at some idiots who don't know how to handle the world:
Cry-Baby #1: Jenny Lauren
Jenny Lauren (Photo via Twitter)
The incident: A woman's seat wouldn't recline properly on a plane.
The appropriate response: Complaining.
The actual response: She attacked two flight attendants, causing the plane to make an emergency landing.
Jenny Lauren is a jewellery designer, and also Ralph Lauren's niece. Earlier this week she was on a transatlantic Delta flight from Barcelona to New York.
Early in the flight, she discovered that her seat was faulty and wouldn't recline properly. A flight attendant attempted to help her, but Lauren told her to "get the fuck out of my face".
The attendant complied, getting herself the fuck out of Lauren's face. But this wasn't good enough for Lauren, who chased the woman down the aisle of the plane and into the first class cabin.
Once there, Lauren shoved her into a wall and called her a "fucking ugly blonde bitch".
Then, witnesses say, Lauren told the attendant that she was going to "go ballistic" and shoved her into a wall a second time.
A second flight attendant attempted to intervene, and Lauren threw a modified version of her earlier anti-flight-attendant diss at her, calling her a "fucking ugly, unhappy, blonde bitch".
At some point, she also told the pilot of the plane that he was "an asshole".
The plane made an emergency landing in Shannon, Ireland. At a reported cost to Delta of £26,202. As the plane made its landing, Jenny continued to abuse flight staff.
Once on the ground, Jenny continued her shitty behaviour, telling the Irish police officer who arrested her to "repeat that in English".
Appearing in court (well, not really a court – her trial was actually held in a bar because the area doesn't have a courthouse), Jenny admitted to mixing medication with several drinks before boarding the flight.
She was fined €2,500 (£2,066) and released.
Cry-Baby #2: Trestin Meacham
The incident: Utah allowed gay couples to start getting married.
The appropriate response: Nothing.
The actual response: A man went on hunger strike, vowing not to eat again until gays were banned from marrying.
Predictably, applications for marriages skyrocketed in the state, with gay couples rushing to tie the knot.
This didn't sit too well with a 35-year-old Mormon named Trestin Meacham, who announced that he was going to go on hunger strike until the state reversed the decision.
Like many bigots, Trestin attempted to hide his intolerance behind an excuse. In a post on his blog, he explained that his objection to the judge's decision is actually a result of it being unconstitutional, rather than his own homophobia. He wrote, "Unfortunately, the Judicial Branch of the government is more concerned with activism than it is with actually following the Constitution."
Appearing on ABC News on the 2nd of January, Tristan explained that he hadn't consumed anything other than bottled water and vitamin pills for 12 days. "Actions speak louder than words, and I'm taking action," he said.
Fifteen days into his hunger strike, the Supreme Court put a hold on the same-sex marriage decision, and Trestin started eating again. He claims he lost a total of 25lbs and had to punch a new hole in his belt.
Obviously, the Supreme Court's decision was not influenced by Trestin in any way.
Speaking to the Daily Beast, Trestin said that, next time, he will give up football rather than food.
Which of these fools is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in this poll right here, unless you think it'd be unconstitutional to do so:
Winner: The social security guys who fined a French bar for letting customers return empty glasses!!!
Follow Jamie on Twitter: @JLCT